My Rules For Sovereignty: How To Become The Holy Queen Of Your Psychic Universe

© Angelo D’Agostino & Hannah Khymych

© Angelo D’Agostino & Hannah Khymych

Sovereignty means self-authority or personal power. Claiming sovereignty is about taking responsibility for your experience & using your power to make it good. That means not blaming your parents, society, or even “the Patriarchy” for who you are & the choices you make.

There’s a difference between the “Rules of the World” & the Rules of Engagement. The “Rules of the World” are arbitrary & you have to accept them as they are. The Patriarchy pretty much defines those rules.

But you get to choose the rules of engagement. And when you conscientiously choose those rules, you actually get what you want in a way that doesn’t cost you… at least not any cost you’re unwilling to pay.

I want you to become the sovereign self-loving power-babe you want to be. But I’m heartsick over the amount of radically magical babes coming to me to whine, bemoan, & commiserate about the The Way Things Are. They’re convinced that they’re in some loathed, yet high-minded minority fated to bitch & comment on the sidelines of life—powerless & unlovable.

That’s not how Holy Queens behave. That’s how bitchy princesses who resent their power & status act.

I’m here to say: yes, the Patriarchy is true. But it’s not real. Patriarchy is a mindset. Intangible. A holographic reality sutured together by a collective, consensus-driven delusion.

Bear with me.

The effects of Patriarchy are tangible, I’m not disputing that. Corporate banking offices. The Gomco. Battered women’s shelters. The carvings on Mount Rushmore. What we physically bump up against (or can be sexually mutilated by) are materializations of the mindset problem all cosmic babes (& most of humanity) struggle against.

So, Patriarchy is a mindset problem. And Patriarchy attacks sovereignty at the root. You’re not born with Patriarchy—you internalize it. You internalize Patriarchy when your parents & teachers shame, guilt, or frighten you… & tell you what they’re doing is instructional.

This is how the world is, baby girl.

False. Shame, guilt, & fear are tools of oppression. Patriarchy only exists in our minds & must project itself against the natural world; must work against the life cycle. Patriarchy inflicts itself on divine reality.

Just FYI, Patriarchy isn’t evil. It works best when applied in service to something greater than itself. That’s a different topic for another time, though.

For now, I want to talk about the tool you actually have right now that can protect you from Patriarchy. It’s the core state of being you must be in to make wise life choices. It’s the threshold for using your personal power. It’s the feeling-based mindset trick to help you reclaim domain of your thoughts, feelings, & actions:


As mentioned, you get to choose how you approach the Rules of the World a.k.a. the Patriarchy. Other humans who’ve internalized Patriarchy may try to humiliate, coerce, or intimidate you, but with sovereignty, you’re core empowered. You can spot the shadowy human soul behind the poisonous bite. You get to choose how you engage & what that engagement means for you.

That’s the entitlement of a Holy Queen: a supremely sovereign, self-loving babe who knows how to bend the reality at hand to suit her best intentions.

Holy Queen-ship is what cosmic babes naturally aspire to, because that’s what we are. We just allow the twisted circumstances we’re born into crumple the instinct for self-rulership.

SO, if & when you are ready to reclaim sovereignty, here are 3 of my best techniques for initiating the process.



Found via Pinterst

Found via Pinterst

The smartest route to sovereignty is to build a vision for your most empowered life, then reverse-engineer it. What do you have to believe, feel, & do to realize the vision? How will you stretch & grow into the power you already have?

Once you answer those Qs, endeavor to think, feel, & do those vision-compatible things. I say this lightly, but the process will strength-train your soul. You’ll deconstruct & reconstruct.

So, once you have the vision, then what? Write a mission statement. Energize it in a new moon ritual. Do something to commemorate that you fully understand what your best, most empowered life looks like.

This is what I believe, how I feel, how I choose to behave. I’m in charge of this. Thank you.

So, that’s the smartest route. But the fastest route to sovereignty is to quit bitching. I’ve written before about this. You can try my techniques, or simply decide right now to quit gossiping, bitching, & throwing shade. In process of quitting this one disempowering habit, you’ll start identifying other disempowering behaviors. One by one, you’ll quit them, which is when sovereignty flourishes.

FYI: sovereignty isn’t about creating a “positive vibes only” zone. Holy Queens don’t suppress the darkness.

In fact, true sovereignty requires a lot of shadow-work. If you’re going to ever root out Patriarchy, you’ll have to deconstruct your own shadow-drama. @@When you gossip, bitch, or throw shade on someone else, dig deep & ask yourself, what’s going on in me?@@

When you’re ready to A that Q, you’ll start refitting the foundation of your life. When you claim your shadow, you claim it all.

That brings us to:



All of it. Sovereignty means leading yourself—diplomatically & unapologetically. You have to get clarity on what you actually want to claim… & disclaim, as the case may be.

Claim your beliefs. If any of your beliefs limit you, then you better fucking love having that limitation. For every self-limiting belief you don’t love, leave it here. @@Holy Queens don’t need anyone else’s validation nor do they feel the need to validate anyone else’s beliefs.@@

I will set aside religious, political, & social concepts that do not serve my vision of my best self. I choose to only believe in thoughts & ideas that strengthen my resolve.

Claim your feelings. You may not consciously choose how you feel, but holding other people accountable for what’s going on inside you is—quite literally—insane. Your feelings are not who  you are. @@Holy Queens don’t identify with their feelings nor make others responsible for how they feel.@@

I will not make others responsible for how I feel or what my feelings mean to me.

@@Claim your actions. Take responsibility for outcomes. Even inaction bears a consequence.@@ Sovereignty reveals itself through moxie. So, take the initiative. Follow-up & follow-through. Do exactly what you want, because it’s what you want to do.

I will no longer let my behavior be dictated by what I “should” do.

And when you’re less than elated by the consequences of your actions, reflect. Go inward. What did you honestly believe the outcome would be? Where did you get that idea from—& who / what has reinforced it? How did you want to feel & what feelings influenced your behavior?

Any moment where shame, guilt, or fear crop up, then you know: shut it down. Not a good space to initiate from. Our best, most self-defining behavior should come from a place of Sovereignty, not shame, guilt, or fear.



My last technique for becoming a sovereign Holy Queen: put up a fence.

I loved this chapter from Danielle LaPorte’s forthcoming book, White Hot Truth: Open, Gentle Heart, Big Fucking Fence. Here’s a great quote from D. LaPorte on boundary-setting:

Setting boundaries is challenging for most people. It’s especially challenging for holistically inclined women, because we tend to want to merge & connect—with everything. For some of us, learning to set healthy boundaries will be the undertaking of our lifetime, the ultimate work of self-reverence.

One of my favorite wisdom-keepers & coaches, Lianne Raymond, has a great take on it: ‘I think of boundaries as being the natural outcome of a person who has grown into a mature, actualized being. Imagine coming to the edge of a river. If the river is full & flowing as you stand there on the riverbank, you are going to think twice about crossing it. Te flowing presence is in itself a natural boundary. Now imagine that the same river has dried right up, the riverbed is dry & walkable—you might walk across without even hesitating.

‘It is the same with people. When they are present & full of themselves in the best possible way, there is no question of invading them, crossing them, or walking over them.’

Holy Queens are prudent with their time, attention, & energy. Time, attention, & energy are what your psychic universe is made of. When it’s used up, you’re gone. Poof.

So, get parsimonious. Raise standards. If you don’t feel like catching that particular movie or sitting through dinner with that kind of crowd, simply decline. Thank you, but no.

Never, ever say yes just because you can’t say no. (Or because you think you’re not allowed to say no. You are.) If you’re unsure, say, “I’ll think about it, but probably no.”

Steer clear of people who make you feel like you have to justify yourself. Your time-attention-energy is sacred territory; if you’re willing to respect others’ territory, then trust your intuition about people who try to stake a claim on your’s. Your time, attention, & energy are not commodities.

Okay, but what if you already have a fence in place? What if the problem is letting others into your space, for fear you’re not strong enough to defend yourself once they’re in?

Radical self-acceptance is part in parcel to shadow-work. Accepting who you are—funky demons & all—widens your capacity for compassion. Radical self-acceptance also helps you ID whether your fence is actually protecting you or hoarding your psychic energy.

Dig into the real reasons you’re worried to let people in: who are you actually guarding yourself from?

Chances are, asking that Q will lead you directly to the reason. Once there, you can start dealing with it & relay your fencing.

Remember, a Holy Queen’s station is her service to others. Acting from core empowerment transfers power to others—power those people wouldn’t ever get, wouldn’t even realize was a form of power if not for your demonstration.

Self-respect compels others’ respect. If it feels as if anyone is taking from you or maybe like they’re needling in through a crack in your resolve, that’s an indication you’ve given up your power. They don’t respect you. Shut the door. Let the fence speak for itself.



So, what rituals, tactics, & other actionables do I recommend for filling in the cracks & bolstering sovereignty?

I call them Antidotes to Patriarchy: elixirs, crafts, & rituals that replenish, nurture, & fortify your self-authority. When you start acting like a self-loving sovereign-babe, your life changes exponentially. It’s a deluge of sudden awareness, energy, & people magnetically attracted to you. Because it’s so overwhelming, you need Antidotes to buff up your inner-clarity & stay par for the course.

Anything that reinforces you as the Holy Queen of your personal universe qualifies as an Antidote. I consider any & all practices from the realm of Sacred Feminine mysticism to qualify. Totally pedestrian habits of self-care--like taking art classes & DIY spa days--also count.

Here are a few proto-Antidotes to Patriarchy to orient you on your journey towards becoming a Holy Queen:

❤︎ Go on a media detox. Patriarchy is insidious, because it doesn’t leave a physical trail. We internalize most of it from media messages. When journeying into sovereignty, it’s good to take some time away from the onslaught. Delete the FB, Twitter, & IG apps off your phone. Suspend your weekly “Netflix & wine down” ritual. I do this regularly now: one day a week, no media. Instead: fun in the sun, strolling in the arts district, Tarot journaling, & hitting extra spin classes. Start off with 1 day. Next week, try 2 days. Then 3 days. Go ahead, I dare you.

❤︎ Practice or invent sacred rituals. Life in the Patriarchy is all about perpetual go-go-going, never-ending growth, & quote-un-quote self-improvement. But the only thing in nature that grows perpetually is cancer. Rituals are sacred when they elongate time & open up new space: mentally, emotionally, physiologically. I mentioned new moon rituals in the first tip, which is a good place to start. (Here’s the link again to find out more.) If you’re not ready for a magical ritual, you can institute creative rituals instead. Simply appoint time & attention for doing something that is an end in-of itself; an activity where you can forget about your shopping lists & Inbox Zero, so you simply melt into the activity itself.

❤︎ Write down happy thoughts. I have four bookshelves of diaries & journals. Most of the ink-drenched pages are filled with venting, bitching, & negative observations. But when you start keeping a diary of the compliments you receive or start cataloguing trivial blissful moments, you’ll have a record of all the things that make you feel good. Re-read an old entry one morning & you’ll shine shine shine all day.

I mean it: I want you to become a self-loving sovereign babe. For your friends, your community, your future kids, & your Future Self.

I know that MOST of my techniques sound glib. But this is what being a radically magically cosmic babe is all about: cracking through the glib to the paradoxically rich & deeper, wiser stuff beneath. You have to try it on before you can tailor it!

If you want to go further, check out my post about the volcano Goddess Pele. I think she’d be a perfect invocation for your empowerment rituals & overseeing your shadow-work.

And if it’s on your mind, hit me up on Twitter & answer this Q: What do you think is the most urgent problem with internalized Patriarchy? You can divulge something that’s going on with you--how you approach the world & want to change it, or a general observation. 

I'm very interested in your answers & will offer any support I have!

Be the power,

Some of the images above came from Pinterest. Help me give the creators their due props here.

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