How to Find + Interpret Black Moon Lilith in Synastry 🐍💕✨

In a natal chart, Black Moon Lilith symbolizes our Lunar Dark Side, our regretted desires, where we are repressed, and where we tend to take personal liberty at others’ expense.

“Lilith is a dark place in our charts, and to know where that darkness comes from is as important as knowing where it can take us—and how, and when. First, the sign in which Lilith appears will determine how Lilith energy is expressed. The house is where it will manifest itself. The aspects, which must be very small (a 1 or 2 degree orb only), will show what planets are involved in our Lilith drama.”

— Llewellyn Journal, “What Does Lilith Mean in Astrology?”

In a synastry chart (comparing two natal charts for relationship potential 💕✨), contact between Liliths might explain an inappropriate or “doomed” attraction or you feel towards someone...

Sometimes a Lilith attraction is about who we want, or how we want them—it might be attraction to a type of person (gender, culture, status, et. al.) we don’t usually go for, or a type of sex we feel ashamed for wanting, or straight-up fascination with someone in possession of what we deny within ourselves.

This person usually embodies or represents what we associate as a “bad stroke” in a tender place juuust out of reach…

…but presented with other ingredients, elements, or factors (symbolized by our Lilith-synastry person ✨), in such a way that we become curious about the area that’s being stroked.

Basically, a Lilith-driven relationship compels us to breech and explore our own taboo. 👻

“Lilith in synastry generally speaking produces a very powerful seductive lure between the two but there can also an erratic or rebellious quality to it. Most commonly seen when the two are not evolved in their Lilith, they experience a battle of wills or power struggles.

Although, this adds to the passion it is also pulling [sic] at the very seat of your souls and can eventually bring out deep resentments. Though ultimately, the highly sexually charged dynamics in the relationship will open your eyes to the ramifications of issues of control, selfishness, or lack of self control, or a need to have your way and their toxicity to any relationship.”

— Illume Astrology, “Lilith in Synastry”

Aside from helping us becoming aware of her in the first place, Lilith placement might hint at kinks we weren’t even aware we had, that can’t be worked out in ordinary relationships. Her energy can only be examined and explored within intimacy, sometimes sexual intimacy, but also emotional, or logistical.

Lilith in synastry shows us where another person can help us learn about this murky terrain, and ultimately help soothe our lunar dark side… 👻🌙

1. We’ve put in the effort of learning about our own repressed lunar dark side, and…

2. We find someone whose own chart (+ Lilith) complements our Lilith journey. ✨
   

Lilith-based attractions and relationships point out the taboo or “disapproved of” energy that you might explore in proximity / relationship with the other person.

And from a “personal growth” standpoint, if you were planning a self-transformation project, a Black Moon Lilith taboo might help you recover disapproved of urges, longings, and needing.

With awareness of what’s happening (whether via transit or a Lilith-charged interaction), you might harness the energy, trace the subtleties in your body, fantasy, or personality back to their origin, and heal the shame and indignation.

This tutorial will show you where to get a synastry chart showing Black Moon Lilith, and also how to read that chart for the taboo stimulated by that relationship 🐍💕>

I’ll point you everywhere you can go to track where and how Lilith is stalking your relationships, as well as give a guided demonstration of where a synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith helped me uncover uncomfortable truths about my own Lilith (😳), and finally, supply you with tips from astrologers on how to manage a Lilith-driven attraction or relationship so that you might finally identify the lies bounding up your true instincts, and clear out your emotional history…

…without everything getting too weird. 💁🏻‍♀️☺️

HOW TO GET A SYNASTRY CHART SHOWING BLACK MOON LILITH 🐍💞 >

I actually have a tutorial explaining where + how to get a synastry chart✨, but these instructions will show you how to get TWO natal charts, PLUS a synastry chart combining them.

I'm doing this so you can get the full "Lilith story" in each birth chart, before reading for Lilith's role in your synastry. 👍🏻

How to get free natal + synastry charts from Astro seek >

1. Visit Astro-Seek.com, and hover your cursor over “Free Horoscopes”, and from the dropdown menu, select “Birth Natal Chart Calculator”

2. Enter your birth data into the next page (you’ll need birth date, time, and location)

3. Click the gray hyperlink labeled “Extended Selections”, and check the box next to “Lilith.” 

4. Once the chart is displayed, take a screenshot, or otherwise save the image, then click on the tab labelled “Aspect Table”, and take a screenshot of this as well ✅✅

5. Do the same for your synastry partner: pull up their natal chart, take a screenshot of both the chart and the aspect table ✅✅

6. Now, HEAD BACK TO THE ASTRO SEEK HOMEPAGE ✨, select “Synastry, Composite, Davison” from the dropdown menu under “Free Horoscopes”, then click the hyperlink labelled “synastry” from the list.

7. Take a screenshot of the chart itself, as well as the aspect table.

Altogether, you should end up with three charts >

1. Your birth chart,

2. Your crush’s birth chart, and

3. Your synastry chart, combining your birth charts ✨

...Plus three aspect tables for each chart. 🥵😊

🌟 HINT 1 > You might want to print all these charts off onto scratch paper, so you can highlight and annotate the Lilith placements in each natal chart, plus the Lilith connections in your synastry. You might want to start with fully delineating each chart on its own before honing in on the Lilith story. Revisit my natal chart tutorial for pointers, and when you’re ready to focus in, visit my tutorial on natal Black Moon Lilith. ✨

🌟 HINT 2 > Spend a moment getting oriented to the synastry chart. Partner A will be blue, while Partner B will be orange. Look for major themes and interactions between ALL THE PLANETS, especially the ones most important in relationship (sun, moon, venus, mars, plus the angles). Friendly aspects amongst your “personal” planets in the synastry chart would also indicate actual relationship potential, as in, friendship, affinity, and affection (and tend to mitigate any tension created by disharmonious aspects from Lilith). If all the commotion stresses you out, revisit my synastry tutorial ✨, and try delineating the whole chart before honing in on the Lilith story. ✌🏻

HEY, BTW > Snaps to you if you’ve made it this far, especially if you’ve actually casted these charts! 🙌🏻✨

If you have, you must be taking your astrology extracurricular super seriously, and I think that’s very cool, so please email me if you get stuck and need more hints! 👍🏻💫

I’m gonna link you to all the articles you might need to get a full picture of Black Moon Lilith, plus give you a true-life example of what I was able to learn about the “Lilith story” in my own chart by inventorying the Lilith story in a synastry chart with someone else. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

First, I’m gonna explain a little more about reading for Black Moon Lilith in astrology, particularly the kind of vibe she carries, and what makes her so elusive (and volatile) in a chart.

HOW TO READ FOR LILITH IN SYNASTRY >

OKAY SO, there isn’t a ton of free intel available for interpreting Black Moon Lilith in synastry, and what you might find (via search engines and Tumblr witches) tends to interpret Lilith as a conflation of Venus and Mars. 😬❌

Venus and Mars are “personal” planets, correlating with our personal attraction (Venus 🌸) and prey drive (Mars 🔥). We tend to feel any contact to our Venus / Mars, whether in synastry, transits, or progressions.

In a synastry chart, connections between-amongst Mars / Venus indicate chemistry. Venus / Mars also tend to personalize the bigger, “meta” planets, especially Jupiter, Saturn, and the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto). By personalize, I mean that Venus / Mars can make the higher, harder-to-articulate electro-magnetic frequencies from those planets perceptible and easier to integrate.

(…though any contact from the Outer Planets tends to feel super-amped up anyway. 😵‍💫)

Contact to Venus, for example, tend to feel good. We like those connections, even in “challenging” aspects, which can feel like a shiatsu massage. Contacts to Mars tend to turn us on, rev us up, translate into urges and precedence for satisfaction. 😉☺️

Obviously, your level of enjoyment with Venus / Mars synastry connections depends foremost on the condition of your Venus and Mars. If either natal Venus or Mars are fielding static, synastry connections from someone else’s chart might dial up the static…

…or, you know, ultimately soothe and smooth it out. ☺️☺️☺️

LILITH, HOWEVER…. is our Lunar Dark Side. In our charts, she represents pure, child-like instinct… not motivated by pleasure or prizes (such as Venus / Mars), but by unmet need.

🌟SIMILAR TO VENUS 🌸 > Lilith can be comely, but not necessarily attractive. She doesn’t rely on the law of attraction (LOA), but baits, reels, and uses force of personality to get the attention she craves. She doesn’t care about appearing cute or likable (not unless in aspect to Venus). If passed over or met with boundaries, she seethes, alienates, and withdraws.

🌟 SIMILAR TO MARS 🔥 > Lilith is compelled by satisfaction and winning out, but is not necessarily reward-driven. She tends to rebel against her own cause, or abandons pursuit as soon as one of her pain-points are pressed. She’s not sexually motivated, not unless sex is her proving grounds. If disallowed from expressing aggression or competitiveness, Lilith sulks, throws passive-aggressive barbs, and tries to bait a reaction.

Black Moon Lilith shows where we’re motivated… by validation. Lilith is the amalgamation of all our unnamed, difficult to parse out primordial urges, which tend to be tabooed.

Once tabooed, these instincts slip into a blind spot of our psyche, and we’re literally ignorant of when our Lilith is being deployed. 👻🐍

Obviously, these instincts are very subjective and personal, and also commingled with shame and blame, which is why they tend to operate in our peripheral, or askance of our awareness.

Unlike a connection to our Venus or Mars, a synastry connection to our Lilith feels charged, as though someone were holding a lit match an inch away from a part of our body that’s under local anesthesia.

This is how we can become fascinated with someone with whom we have zero chemistry. We crave certain kinds of attention or acknowledgement for which we have no basis to expect.

This is why Lilith can feel erotic, but also, utterly displeasing.

Although Lilith might feel very intimate (like a venus / mars connection), she’s more like an Outer Planet: unpredictable, and dramatic. 

Outer Planets are “meta” forces, crisis detonators. We don’t own them, or understand them, until they’ve worked their effect. 😖🙈

Like Uranus, Lilith follows her own rules. Similar to Neptune, she prefers murky (or re-imagined) boundaries. She manipulates, much like Pluto, her motives not wholly intelligible even to herself.

“To put her in perspective Lilith is similar to a combination of Pluto and Uranus energy. A combination of the darker qualities of Pluto, Demanding, Unruly, Strong Sexual needs and desires, unique different or bizarre interest in sex, nymphomaniac, strong independent streak, a heart breaker. However, there are two sides to every aspect, placement, planet, asteroid of what not. Much of this truly depends on how well, the individual responds to the energy. ”

— Illume Astrology, “Lilith in Synastry”

Having Pluto or Uranus prominent in your chart (conjunct an angle or your Sun / Moon, for example) might make you naturally more at ease with the rawness, intensity, and ambiguity of someone else’s Lilith.

Someone with a prominent Lilith (conjunct her Ascendent, Sun, or Moon in their own chart), also might be more comfortable with Lilith contacts, as well. 👌🏻

To help you out, this article about the Outer Planets in synastry might be useful. 👍🏻

Remember, to understand each chart’s threshold for Lilith-type shenanigans, you’ll have to read for Lilith in each chart separately, which I’ll walk you through below (and also demo’d in this post ✨).

In any chart (natal, transit, progressions, synastry), we tend to feel aspects made to our personal planets, a.k.a. the faster-orbiting “inner” planets, Mercury, Venus, and Mars. Harmonious contacts from Lilith to any of these would make it easier to value the experience from our interactions with Lilith-person.

Harmonious aspects from Lilith to either the Sun or Moon (our “lights”) would make our relationship with Lilith-person really compelling, maybe even enlightening. We would internalize our interactions with Lilith-person, and that can have a transformational effect.

Harmonious aspects from Lilith to Jupiter or Saturn involve a sort of public element, and can involve benefits or consequences lasting much long than even the relationship. Jupiter and Saturn are the social planets, and Lilith contact to either might invoke a bit of role-playing, or perversion of the status or authority.

Add one of the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto), and you’ve got a peak or almost spiritual experience. Something that feels beyond you, and might create a sort of existential crisis, or reframing. You might not feel or predict what that might be unless there are contacts to the personal planets, too.

So, go light on trying to romanticize or sexualize Lilith contacts in your charts. Unless forming harmonious aspects to either Mars or Venus or even Mercury (with perhaps a sextile from Neptune thrown in ✨), Lilith isn’t there to realize your fantasies or boost your self-esteem.

She’s the dirty talk that debases you, the lie about birth control, the claim she could see herself marrying you before kicking you out of the car and leaving your ass on the side of the road. 🏃🏻‍♀️

ANNND… she can also be the alchemical agent that helps you change, inside-out.

OKAY, I’ll show you the process of delineating your synastry chart (featuring Black Moon Lilith 🐍), and link you where you can go for more intel to pad out your interpretations! 🙌🏻✨

I’ll also give you a true life example of how reading for Lilith in a synastry chart helped me understand as much about taboo, fascination, and ultimately, boundary-setting. 🐍✨

NOTE > I know, there are a lot of charts to flip through!

What we’re aiming for here is to find the story, or for understanding Black Moon Lilith as a character in a drama. She’s a character in your own drama (your natal chart ✨) and in your (perhaps imaginary or hypothetical) relationship.

FIRST, LOOK AT “LILITH’S STORY” IN EACH NATAL CHART—SEPARATELY.

In all chart comparison (whether transits, progressions, or synastry), you have to start with the natal chart. Natal charts outline the potential, as well as our personal threshold for certain dynamics.

Like—for one chart-holder, Lilith might be a particularly scary placement, where adding someone else’s Lilith vibes into the mix feels like bad luck, a scary lure, or darkness falling… 🤢❌

…but for the other chart-holder, Lilith might feel like an easy icebreaker, fast affinity, or a scratch to her itch. 😉

FIRST, PLACE BOTH NATAL CHARTS IN FRONT OF YOU, THEN LOOK FOR BLACK MOON LILITH’S SYMBOL > A cross topped with a crescent moon. Circle up any planets, angles, or other points sharing the same zodiac sign and house. Also peek at the sign / house opposite Black Moon Lilith. Get a lay of the land, then start honing in.

START BY INVENTORYING NATAL BLACK MOON LILITH BY SIGN (IN BOTH CHARTS) >

My Black Moon Lilith 🐍✨

Lilith’s zodiac sign tells you a little about her manipulative tendencies. Lilith expresses herself through the “shadow qualities” of the sign. This is how she’s behaving in each chart (though the chart holder may be aware of her machinations).

🌟 LILITH IN THE AIR SIGNS (Libra, Aquarius, Gemini ♎️♒️♊️ 🪶) > Lilith in an Air sign builds fast friendship and affinity through rapport, appealing to others’ sense of grace, or contorting the truth for relatability. She might rope others into a grand scheme, then turn a cold shoulder. She might say one thing (the nice thing she should say), then do the opposite. Airy Lilith often alienates through rule-mongering and should-isms, or uses her social advantage to annex contrarians. Prone to inventing rationalizations for discrediting perceived enemies. Others might feel they have to choose their words carefully, and that they can’t entirely trust the people Lilith brings ‘round. Twisted logic and fibbing abounds.

🌟 LILITH IN THE WATER SIGNS (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces ♋️♏️♓️💧) > Lilith in a Water sign bonds with others almost on sight, proclaiming new friends to be soul-mates and one-of-the-family, and by revealing secrets or relaying intense personal stories. She’s prone to taking emotional hostages, fabricating us against the world scenarios, threatening her own life if the bond should break. Might accuse others in her crosshairs as being “un-woke”, or emotionally vampiric while indulging in fits of inappropriate catharsis (laughing at a funeral, weeping on a first date). Needy, wants to be babied, desperately seeking a soothsayer.

🌟 LILITH IN THE FIRE SIGNS (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius ♈️♌️♐️🔥) > Lilith in a Fire sign treats relationships, work, or life in general as her proving grounds. Firey Lilith warps collaborations into contests of will, building camaraderie through teasing (if not harassment), and reiterates where she and others rank (on anything, everything). She vies for kudos and a starring role, then skips out on the awards ceremony and bails on opening night. Abandons apprenticeships, invents unnecessary rivalries, and often casts herself in the role of someone’s secret bully.

🌟 LILITH IN AN EARTH SIGNS (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo ♑️♉️♍️🌿) > Lilith in an Earth sign can be insatiable, critical of others’ self-indulgence (if not materialism in general), and obsessed with quality, excellence, and perfection. She can be repressed about her own need for pleasure and simple luxury, or prone to lording such over others. Earthy Lilith can be resentful of having mundane responsibilities, or over-controlling of minutiae. Pie-in-the-sky ambitions, and a penchant for Machiavellianism.

(NOTE > these are the same descriptions that are in my How to Find + Interpret Natal Lilith post. 🐍✨)

REMEMBER, Lilith is our lunar dark side. We’re not wholly aware of how she perverts the qualities and characteristics of her sign. Through time, we learn her triggers (our triggers), and the types of people who tend to draw her out into the open.

Over time, you might even be able to spot archetypes (in the form of real-life humans) representing the qualities of the planets close-aspecting your natal Lilith. 😳🤯

In fact, synastry studies will help you figure out and learn to intuit the personality types that will bring her to the fore, and even begin to hazard for those awkward moments when you feel yourself lapsing into your Lilith defense mechanisms.

Compare the above descriptions of Lilith in the elements with other descriptions. Here’s the Hoodwitch’s erotic(ish) guide to Lilith in the signs, as well as Plutonic Desire’s guide to Lilith in the signs, and finally, CafeAstrology’s compassionate summaries to Lilith’s “binge + purge” cycle in the signs / houses. 🐍💫

NEXT, INVENTORY NATAL BLACK MOON LILITH BY HOUSE (IN BOTH CHARTS) >

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith 🐍✨

Once you have inventoried her shadow side through your Lilith sign, look into her house. Houses represent our "fields of experience.” Lilith in the Houses points to the arena in which Lilith acts out, or has acted out, or becomes repressed.

🌟 Houses 1 - 6 are the personal houses, and correlate with our interior experiences. We internalize these energies (planets) and themes (signs). We relate and interpret these energies through our identity (first house) or personal rhythm (sixth house).

🌟 Houses 7 - 12 are the interpersonal houses, and correlate with experiences we have with others, either communally (eleventh house) or by reputation (tenth house). The interpersonal houses are separated from the personal houses by the horizon line running across the center of the chart (the Ascendent - Descendent axis).

Remember, the house describes where in the house party Lilith is hanging out. She might be full-out and mingling with the rest of the gathering (Lilith in the interpersonal houses), or withdrawn into one of the rooms, trying to have her own experience (Lilith in the personal houses).

When we actually combine both natal charts (next step ✨), your Lilith will probably show up in a totally different house on the other person’s chart. In your chart, Lilith might have seemed like your best-kept secret, but gets drawn out into the open when overlaying someone else’s chart.

Check out the Lilith in the Houses articles on Advanced Astrology, as well as Jupiter Jewel’s guide to Lilith in the signs + houses, to compare to Tom Jacobs’ interpretations and this Synni Signs article on the same. 🐍💫

FINALLY, read for the aspects between Black Moon Lilith and other natal planets >

See those red and blue lines crossing the center of the chart? Those illustrate the aspects (or “relationships”) between-amongst the planets, whether harmonious (sextiles, trines) or agitating (square, oppositions, sometimes conjunctions).

With plenty of harmonious contacts (sextiles, trines), you can find charged-up affinity through a Lilith connection, but challenging aspects (squares, oppositions, conjunctions) can draw out her sabotaging tendencies. ✅

WANT TO SEE ALL ASPECTS TO LILITH GRIDDED OUT FOR YOU? > If you’re on the Astro Seek calculator’s display page, just click on the tab labelled “Aspect Table” to see all your synastry aspects “spelled out” in astrological annotation.

CONTINGENT WITH THAT, you might want to get familiar with the symbols and nature of each aspect (conjunctions, sextiles, squares, trines, + oppositions). This article also talks about aspects (including a great analogy for applying them, basically that aspects describe how planets see each other in a chart 🤯), and this one explains aspects to Black Moon Lilith specifically. 💫

How those aspect-relationships play out depends on the signs and houses involved, plus the alchemical reaction between Lilith and the planet (or point) she’s aspecting.

Refer to the row extending to the left of the Black Moon Lilith’s symbol. Trace each aspect symbol back to the planet that Lilith is in aspect to.

PRO TIP 🌟: Imagine each natal chart as a house party, with Lilith and all the other planets as attendees >

Her house tells you what room she’s hangin’ in, and her sign telling you how she’s behaving. Obviously, natal planets sharing the same sign + house would be part of her alchemy, the energy of those planets influencing her expression (like any other kind of social alchemy).

Lilith’s aspects to other planets in other houses hints about her reputation with those other planets: an opposition to a prominent Venus might suggest that Lilith showed up uninvited, and is now hiding out in a room where the hostess won’t notice she’s slipped in and gettin’ high with your Mercury or Eros asteroid. 😉

Once you understand how Lilith functions in the overall dynamic of your chart, you’ll have an idea of how she’ll operate in the synastry. ✅

NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE “LILITH STORY” IN EACH NATAL CHART, PULL UP YOUR SYNASTRY CHART 💞✨ >

My Black Moon Lilith in my synastry partner’s chart 🐍✨

In synastry, we combine two natal charts by overlaying and lining them up by signs.

Keeping with our metaphor, this is similar to combining two different house parties, and will almost certainly change up the dynamics, and where / how Lilith expresses herself.

Sometimes, your synastry with someone might make your Lilith more overt or covert. Combining your natal chart with someone else’s might place your Lilith in an angular house on the other person’s chart (giving her more oomph than she has in your own chart), or vice versa. Their chart might place your Lilith in a house governing rather mundane activities versus in a house promoting sexy, wily exploits. Her dynamics with other planets might get stronger or more volatile, or she might seem to disappear from the scene altogether.

SIMILARLY, your Lilith might submerge or amplify other planets in the other person’s chart.

In the above image, my Lilith is in my Ninth House, a “public” house, and draws out my synastry partner’s heavy-hearted Saturn out into the open, which is usually buried in his second house (along with all the insecurities that tend to correlate with having Saturn in your “worthiness” sector 🙋🏻‍♀️😬).

Erstwhile, when our charts combine, my synastry partner’s super-public Tenth House Lilith is sublimated into my Fourth House, side-by-side my close-to-heart Mercury (below image).

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith in my chart 🐍✨

Notice how the other chart-holder's Lilith is close-by his MC (a.k.a. the Midheaven, or highest point of our chart)…?

...but in MY chart, his Lilith flipflops, and is hovering beside my IC (a.k.a. the Nadir, or root of the chart)?

In effect, based on our combined charts, this would take my synastry partner’s Lilith--a conspicuous, attendee of the house party represented in his natal chart ✨--and plunge her into the emotional basement of MY house party.

Instead of grandstanding in the kitchen or rec room, vying for attention from the most VIP party guest (typical for natal Lilith conjunct Sun [in a wiiiide orb] 🙄), his Lilith is telling deep secrets to my Mercury, who was probably hiding, just trying to vape and scroll through his phone in a mildewy basement closet…

…until the parties combined, and Lilith stumbled in. ✨

Do you remember that Jimmy Eat World music video about the house party where everyone was stripping down to their underwear, and the two shy, clumsy teenagers wind up in the same closet trying to awkwardly get undressed without anyone watching, and then they look up and notice each other doing the same thing, and realize they were who they were meant to meet at this thing, so they get dressed and leave together? 🥰

Here's the video, enjoy! 💕

Anyway, spend a few minutes really feeling out where and how both Liliths are showing up in the house party represented by your synastry chart. Note any aspects made to Lilith from your personal planets (the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars): these planets will make Lilith more of a felt presence in the party scene.

And the type of aspect describes whether it feels curious or, you know, aggressive. 👹

REMEMBER, whether your synastry partner welcomes your Lilith in this space depends on that person’s comfort level with taboo (👻), and how predominantly this house features in your overall synastry.

Don’t worry, I’ll explain more about that further down. 👍🏻

BUT FIRST, I'm gonna walk you through analyzing Lilith's aspects to the other planets in your synastry, starting with the Sun and Moon, then go through the rest of the planets, building off of what I described in the introduction to interpreting Lilith, so that you can better track how the taboo is stalking your synastry.

🌟 Your Astro Mami’s Tumblr page has a great summaries of Lilith in the Houses (synastry overlay), which you can combine with the more technical 12andUs page on the same thing.

🌟 Also, remember to analyze your whole synastry chart, not just for Lilith!

🌟 For more (including links and tips for integrating your Lilith), revisit my post: How to Find (+ What to Do) About Black Moon Lilith (Hint: Stop Mean-Girl'ing Your Taboo 🐍). ✨

NOW, DRILL DOWN ON BLACK MOON LILITH IN THE SYNASTRY CHART ✨ > LOOK FOR CONTACT BETWEEN BLACK MOON LILITH AND YOUR SUN + MOON. 🌻🌙

The Sun and Moon are the “lights” of our charts, the lights of our consciousness. Our Sun shines, and any contact from another planet becomes part of its shine. Our Moon reflects the conditions of our Sun, and absorbs input from any other planets forming an aspect to it.

Lilith contact to either the Sun or Moon indicate an often inside-out transformative experience or relationship. Pairing Lilith with either of these lights would add a sudden undertow to the interaction. This instant-intimate feeling can inspire curiosity or hesitance from the Sun / Moon - person.

🌟 SUN - LILITH SYNASTRY 🌻🐍 > 

Our Sun is where we're most vital. Our Sun is our most dominant "light", and does nothing else but emanate. Our Sun is the light source of our consciousness, hued by transiting planets and synastry connections. We "self-actualize" not according to our instincts, but according to the opportunities and relationships that our Sun can most and best relate with.

“These people are usually drawn to each other the same way the night and sunset meet each other. They are attracted to each other the same way a moth is attracted to a flame. They can be positive or good for each other even though they have negatives.”

—Cosmic Deity, "Lilith in Synastry”

Depending on aspects, this relationship can feel like something vital and sacred is at stake. Lilith - person can become infatuated with the Sun person, which can translate into either resenting the Sun - person, or longing after their approval.

With easy aspects between the Sun and Lilith (trine, sextile), Lilith might energize you. You’d feel shiny around them. When something fabulous happens, your first thought would be notifying the Lilith - person.

With hard aspects between the Sun and Lilith (square, opposition, sometimes conjunction), Lilith might not act erotic or infatuated, but instead think Sun - person is self-aggrandizing, or harboring an inferiority complex. Lilith might feel the need to undermine the Sun person, trying to displace the Sun person’s influence by asserting her own identity, needs, or preferences. As the Sun - person, you’d feel uncomfortable in your own skin around Lilith - person.

As a result, Lilith-person might tease or needle you, or just avoid being in the same space as the Sun-person. 🐍🌻

Basically, when someone else’s Lilith aspects our Sun, it’s like stepping into the shade: it either feels like a relief from the heat and glare of our own presence, or like having our vitality siphoned off.

🌟 MOON - LILITH SYNASTRY 🌙🐍 > 

Our Moon is where we’re softest. Our Moon absorbs and internalizes the subtlest conditions of a transit or synastry connection. Because there’s so many subtleties, we might not get the satisfaction of combing out, naming, and categorizing all those details. We just unconsciously metabolize them.

With easy aspects between the Moon and Lilith (trine, sextile), Lilith might draw out your sympathy. You’d feel inclined to caretake Lilith in the style of your Moon sign. If you hear bad news on the radio, she’d be who you’d call to check in on.

With hard aspects between the Moon and Lilith (square, opposition, sometimes conjunction), it’d almost be too much to bear, like having no outer wear, and stuck wearing wet socks, waiting for a storm to pass.

But that storm just like LINGERS, man 👻

“With the Lilith conjunct moon synastry placement, the Lilith person often triggers the moon person’s emotional wounds. The moon person is attracted to the Lilith person but can quickly feel afraid or unsafe... Mainly, this placement is almost guaranteed to bring up issues with the mother figure. These issues typically come up for the moon individual as they “relive” their mother trauma with the Lilith individual, although the opposite is possible as well.”

— Tea and Rosemary, “Black Moon Aspects in Synastry” 

Even without knowing the astrology, this relationship would run deep. Lilith is internalized, becoming a character or feature in the Moon’s inner world, while Lilith feels herself attuned to the moods and needs of the Moon.

Depending on the aspect, this could annoy Lilith: she might vie for freedom from the Moon’s vortex of need and fixation, or she might find herself fixated on influencing the Moon’s moods.

Remember, Lilith connections can feel like Uranus or Pluto synastry connections: manipulative, experimental, like… a piece of you has been stripped buck-naked and flung into the snow. 💀⚡️

This is why, if your Moon conjuncts your synastry partner’s Lilith, the Lilith-person might not act erotic or sympathetic towards you, but instead think you’re “over-sensitive”, and reinforce their boundaries (probably in a way that really hurts Moon-person’s feelings). 🐍🌙

WHO FEELS THE CONNECTION—THE LILITH OR THE PLANET PERSON? 🤔 > 

Lilith-person feels the planet-person in an all-over, but difficult to pinpoint way, whereas the planet person notices (and is more aware of) Lilith’s effect on them (and others in their shared context).

Although many younger astrologers (with blogs, anyway) describe a Lilith - Sun / Moon connection as sexy, I’ve noticed (and have heard from more seasoned astrologers), that planet-person will often interpret Lilith-person as naive, obnoxious, uncouth, or just extra. 😳

…that doesn’t mean they judge Lilith-person harshly. Planet-person might be Lilith-person’s #1 defender in the friend group, hang-out scene, work place, whatever the context. Planet-person is just tuned into Lilith-person, and might understand Lilith-person’s vulnerability in the situation.

Unless the behavior reflects a super taboo for them, the Sun person might find this person sort of endearing, as Lilith’s behavior is innate for them, easy to understand and relate with.

Also, in a Lilith-planet synastry connection, Lilith-person might not be so compelled, but frustrated by the planet-person, by their pervasive-but-difficult-to-place planet energy. Our Lilith placement represents a blind spot, a zone that we tend to dissociate from. Sometimes a synastry connection to our Lilith can feel like someone pressing on a bruise, or like… being cuddled when you’re under general anesthesia….

…that’s the eroticism of a Lilith - planet connection. ✨

Whatever the aspect, we feel Lilith-person, and they feel us, though neither might be able to find the right words to describe it…

…and because it’s Lilith, we tend to default to our animal instincts. 🐿

Whether we’re comfortable expressing those instincts depends on how well we accept our natal Black Moon Lilith, and how secure we feel unwrapping or playing with that taboo.

FOR EXAMPLE ✨, I share a Sun - Lilith conjunction with two different friends: Sun - Lilith in Aries with one friend, and Sun - Lilith in Cancer with the other.

These are two people who haven’t met, who I chill with in totally different contexts, and who have fairly dissimilar personalities (one = Libra Sun / Sagittarius Rising, the other = Cancer Sun / Gemini Rising).

In one friendship, I am the Sun-person (♈️). My Sun is exact-conjunct her Lilith, or basically, my personality is in her blind spot. I have the sense that I understand Lilith person better than she understands me, and I can tell from her sustained eye contact that she is fascinated and frustrated by her attraction to me. In our interactions, I can feel her trying to track me, probing me for clues, like a puppy trying to shake a treat out of a Kong.

Like… she is literally confounded and annoyed by my personality, but it doesn’t stop her from showing up at my house or calling me on a near daily basis. 💁🏻‍♀️

Because our Sun - Lilith connection is in Aries (🔥), our interactions revolve around playful rivalry. I just did this… Look at this thing I drew… Shut up and let me tell you what happened…

In the other friendship, I am the Lilith - person (♋️). I feel soft jealousy over the Sun-person. I’m also compelled to drop in on him at home or work to request hugs, and to chitchat about our days. I have a story to tell you… What’d you do about that thing…? How do you feel about…?

Sun-person actually points things out to me that I’m not noticing, but once observed, I realize had been happening all the while. You seem very sensitive about this, let’s change the subject… Don’t apologize anymore, you do that a lot… You don’t need to worry, I’ll look into it…

As the Lilith-person in this dynamic, I’ll often feels waves of embarrassment without any obvious cause. That scene in Talladega Nights, when Will Ferrell's character is being interviewed on camera for the first time, and his hands are hovering by his ears, and he keeps sputtering, "I’m not sure what to do with my hands... what do I do with my hands...??” (Here’s the scene. ✨)

With my Black Moon Lilith in Cancer, revealing my true feelings can make me feel overexposed and vulnerable… like I’m doing something bad… 😵‍💫

…to which my interaction with the Sun - person can sometimes have a relaxing, soothing effect…

…but also triggers all defense mechanisms, such as changing my routines to avoid him, “forgetting” our plans, or inviting other people to our hang-outs.

(…am I basically co-regulating with this person…? 🤔)

TO ME, based on these two friendships, a Sun-Lilith connection feels like being 7 years old with your new best friend, or like reuniting with a favorite cousin or childhood bestie. It’s easy friendship, full of unstated feeling and implied loyalties. You feel understood and accepted without having to explain yourself… as if this other person already knows (or recognizes) and accepts your faults.

I feel commingled security and disturbance from the Sun in Cancer friendship (his Sun ☌ my Lilith ♋️), and blended ease and antagonism from the Lilith in Aries friendship (my Sun ☌ her Lilith ♈️).

For both, our hang out sessions eventually drop from locked-eyes and buzzy excitement to sudden impatience and annoyed-exhaustion… usually from the Lilith-person.

And what kind of transformation or relationship experience can we expect from a Sun-Moon-Lilith synastry connection?

Or basically, what skanky-dark stuff about yourself might come to light when someone’s Lilith aspects your Sun or Moon? 🤔😳

This is known as one of the most transformative Lilith connections, but the transformation depends on each person’s personal journey of accepting and integrating Lilith.

With Lilith in aspect to either light (Sun or Moon), you can expect a tugging towards one another, but also, radically disparate principles. Lilith person might feel totally captivated by the Sun or Moon person, who feels similar fascination with Lilith, but also antagonizes them with the shadow qualities of their shared zodiac sign (scroll up for summaries of Black Moon Lilith in the signs ✨).

For my synastry examples, there’s implicit and intense sense of belonging (♋️) and loyal rivalry (♈️), but without the sense that we’re performing for the relationship. We don’t have defined roles and don’t follow our normal rules for interactions. We feel comfortable acting and speaking from instinct.

And that is so freeing, right? 🥰

In these two friendships, we are at liberty to be ourselves… even if only with each other. 😮‍💨😊💞

BUT… because we’re grown-ups (🤢), this freedom might be what unravels or challenge the friendship. That instant simpatico of a Sun - Lilith synastry connection becomes complicated by the unmet needs and validation-seeking innate to our Lilith placement.

Eventually, I’m going to hold the hug a touch too long for Sun-in-Cancer person, and he’ll have to draw a boundary… ❌

(…he’ll be like, “Dude, wait, I have a gf…” to which I’ll respond, “She can’t be my gf too?” 🥺)

…and at some point, I expect Lilith-in-Aries person to storm my boundaries. ❌

Once it happens, it will stress the interaction, and require the Lilith person to claim behavior(s) they might have been relying on the Sun person to continue indulging.

Ultimately, there will be a reprising of our roles with each other, with new rules of engagement, and a new awareness about how we show up in the relationship.

And this might be super beneficial, not just for our private interactions, but for how the Lilith - person can perceive and take ownership of their behavior…

…and so much better that the experience is happening with someone we trust and knows is sympathetic to our faults, versus being called out on our Lilith tendencies by an authority figure, a customer at work, a friend’s new girlfriend, or any kind of person who we don’t share that kind of bond with.

REMEMBER, aspects will describe whether Lilith’s vibes are friendly or hostile, but the willingness to be in relationship depends on each person’s maturity and comfort-levels with taboo. 👻

NEXT, CONSIDER ASPECTS BETWEEN LILITH, VENUS, AND MARS, PLUS MERCURY (a.k.a. the “personal” planets). 🌸🔥🧚🏻‍♂️

Venus / Mars are not “lights”, but more like instincts or drives. We attract via Venus, and assert via Mars. 🌸🔥

In a natal chart, Venus and Mars indicate the dynamics, themes, and arenas of desire and attraction. Venus and Mars are also the main ingredients in chemistry. You and your besties probably have synastry connections between each others’ Venus and Mars. Harmonious aspects to-and-between Venus show where we feel mutual appreciation, while harmonious aspects to Mars show where we excite each other (sextiles, trines).

With challenging aspects, we might have dissimilar love languages, or rely on the friction in our interactions to evaluate ourselves (squares, oppositions).

Add Lilith to Venus or Mars, and it can make your interactions lit as hell, or smoke out all your insecurities. 🔥

“If someone has a natal planet conjunct your Black Moon Lilith or vice versa, particularly a personal planet (the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars), and this is a romantic relationship, this can generate some major heat, an intense, emotional, and passionate connection. But it can also bring out a lot of struggles for power, issues of domination and control (though I suppose great if this is a BDSM relationship!). If that can be controlled, it can be a transformative kind of relationship, one that could empower both of you.”

— Dark Pixie Astrology, “Black Moon Lilith + Love Astrology"

🌟 VENUS - LILITH SYNASTRY 🐍🌸 > 

“Lilith conjunct Venus tends to be sexual and intense almost all of the time. The Venus human will want to show off her romantic side. This is usually soft and cuddly. They would love to shower Lilith with love, attention, and affection. Lilith person would enjoy this affection for sure. However, they do not want to let themselves go. They do not want to get vulnerable and soft.”

— Cosmic Deity, “Lilith in Synastry”

Venus spotlights the dynamics, themes, and arenas where our self-worthiness and feelings of attractiveness play out in our chart. Venus cultivates what she wants and prefers. In response, Lilith will either want to be groomed by her (such as with a trine aspect), or prove herself out (such as with a square aspect).

NOTE > Conjunctions (side-by-side aspects ☌) can be both harmonious and contentious. In conjunction, Lilith and Venus are stifling-close, which sometimes forces catharsis or confrontation to happen faster, and continuously, if the relationship survives.

Also, Venus doesn’t act. She’s not an actor or agent in our chart. Even in an Air Sign, she doesn’t strategize. In an Earth sign, she doesn’t work.

Wherever Taurus and Libra fall on your natal chart (ruled by Venus) reveal where the seduction and power struggles between Lilith and Venus might spill over, and how any planets caught within might show up as archetypes in the true-life drama.

In the end, Venus’s sense of worthiness will get redressed or re-activated by Lilith. Once activated, Venus - person might be able to better understand and even mitigate Lilith person’s aggression or awkwardness.

🌟 MARS - LILITH SYNASTRY 🐍🔥 > 

Mars spotlights the dynamics, themes, and arenas where we let our prey drive rip. Mars represents our takedown force, our hot button, and how we move upon the world.

In general, Mars - Lilith could indicate perfect lust (👌🏻), or a dynamic characterized by aggro lashing out.

Depending on the aspect, Lilith - person can be thirsty for (trine) or repulsed by (opposition) Mars - person. 

🌟 HINT > Lilith’s zodiac sign hints at Lilith’s preferred mode and method for taking power, whether she wants the upper hand (fire sign 🔥), or prefers acquiescence (water sign 💧).

OF COURSE, Lilith contact to either Venus or Mars can inspire fascination, but eventually, the tension will start to strain. 🥵

At some point down the line, if you’re unable to work out the fascination or tension in an appropriate, consensual fashion, Lilith will basically chicken-fight Venus / Mars. 

And although Lilith will certain cause some damage, whether it’s a physical blow (🔥) or a blow to one’s self-esteem (🌸), she’ll also do her trademark vanishing act.

This vanishment is innate to our Black Moon Lilith—it’s her default coping mechanism, a way of staving off the embarrassment or guilt of deploying behaviors or qualities that were tabooed, for which her synastry connection to Mars or Venus compels out into the open.

“There can also be a binging and purging cycle involved with the traits of Lilith’s sign or house wherein we overdo or go all out, expressing these traits in extreme, then feel bad for doing so. This leads to a purging stage in which we reject or deprive ourselves of the traits. Eventually, the need for them is strong and we go to extremes again, perpetuating this self-destructive cycle. [...]”

Everyone has this trigger, and usually other people are more aware of it than us. We can become self-aware of through time (when inventorying a certain pattern of consequences), or through relationship: by sharing Lilith in synastry with others who can safely draw her out and indicate what she’s up to.

“To work through this, we need to learn to accept these traits in ourselves and express them in ways that we’ve transformed or made to fit our lives without fear or guilt. We may have too-high expectations of ourselves in these areas, and we can convince ourselves we don’t care. It’s difficult to go there since fear and shame can be mixed in, but it’s also empowering.”

— CafeAstrology.com, “Black Moon Lilith in the Natal Chart: Signs and Houses”

It might also take some time to notice Lilith cropping up in our relationships (especially if you don’t have the other person’s birth data 😉)…

Almost exactly like Pluto, Lilith to Venus or Mars requires some kind of eventual catharsis, or tension-breaker. If not via orgasm, then through a confrontation or ultimatum that defines and defends the planet-person’s boundaries.

With Lilith connections to either Venus or Mars, there might not be a reward in terms of personal transformation (such as with Lilith to the Sun or Moon 🌻🌙), but there might be an evolved awareness of our “triggers” and compulsions in interactions.

🌟 MERCURY - LILITH IN SYNASTRY 🧚🏻‍♂️ 🐍 >

In a natal chart, Mercury represents our integrator, our ability to connect the dots, and follow the lead. Mercury rules wherever the signs Gemini and Virgo land on your chart, as well as the Third House of Primary Thought, Interconnection, and Kindred Spirits and Sixth House of Self-Regulation, Integration, and Personal Rhythm. ♊️♍️🪶✨

In more intermediate-advanced astrology, Mercury is interpreted as a “lower octave” (or softer frequency) of Uranus. Mercury can be impish, he likes spinning the dials and toggling the links, while Uranus is the ultimate trickster, operating like an electrical storm that will rip apart all ties, and throw in something totally new. ⚡️

Lilith - Mercury in synastry represents a taboo that features a mental connection expressed through raw instinct, where lack of propriety is the major turn-on, if not the intimacy of having a “secret club” of 2.

Lilith - Mercury synastry attractions might encompass scenarios like… a kinky crush you have on your cool older cousin who introduces you to satanic music… or secret meetings in your backyard treehouse with the girl-next-door who taught you how to masturbate, and you still call each other for phone sex (though you’re both married to other people of the opposite sex).

FUN FACT, Adam and Lilith were made of the same clay, and essentially siblings (from the original Lilith myths, read a version here ✨).

In fact, Lilith is sometimes noted as a hermaphrodite, or non-binary in some way, creating a natural simpatico with Mercury, a shapeshifter who could flit between dimensions (including Pluto’s Underworld 💀) and thus served as the messenger of the gods.

So, like—if Lilith symbolizes our Lunar Dark Side, the inner provocateur who causes shock and awe (Uranus ⚡️) and leads us unawares into Underworld situations (Pluto 💀)…

…then she’s definitely ride-sharing with Mercury. 😎

With Mercury - Lilith synastry, this is the classic and best version of friends as lovers. This is someone you feel instant recognition of, a person whose actual voice, upon your first time hearing it, rang a bell or strummed a chord deep inside your body… someone who adds words to a secret melody, or vice versa.

Basically, Mercury - Lilith in synastry indicates someone you can playyy with. ✨

After consummating your special bond (through mutual masturbation or a blood ritual, whichever, idk), this person becomes your secret playmate and partner in crime.

“Harmonious: The Mercury partner can inspire magic words and poetry from the Lilith partner. The Lilith partner can read the Mercury partner’s mind. Together, they can amplify each other’s psychic abilities and turn each other on with words.

Stressful: The Mercury person could use logic to demean the Lilith person’s intuitive reasoning. The Lilith partner could penetrate and brainwash the Mercury person’s mind.”

— Linda Goodman, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry"

With harmonious aspects, you share a made-up language or telepathic bond that facilitates deeper self-understanding. This person mirrors you in some basic way, and through your relationship, helps you befriend your dark side, and find your voice. 🕊

With adverse aspects, this person might want to influence your thoughts and opinions, tell blatant lies at your expense, or pretend to not recognize you when out with their other friends. They might expect full disclosure about all your thoughts and feelings, insist on constant communication, and get defensive about your relationships with others (especially if they don’t like that person). 

With a conjunction specifically, there will be a tussle between both, with Mercury - person and Lilith - person vying for dominance (or “bestie” status) in each other’s lives… which can become confusing or complicated in a grown-up world striated by roles and rules.

“The Lilith conjunct Mercury synastry aspect creates a bit of a catch-22 in relationships. The mind is a turn-on, but one or both partners are also embarrassed by the other person’s mind at certain times. They feel an attraction to the way their partner thinks yet they also want to escape it.

This Lilith conjunct Mercury synastry aspect can also indicate difficulty communicating or mind games.

If the couple truly wants to progress and deal with their own issues surrounding Lilith (as this relationship is simply reflecting their own issues back at them) then couples therapy can be beneficial. The couple needs to learn new communication patterns before the relationship will feel completely safe.”

— Tea and Rosemary, “Black Moon Lilith Aspects in Synastry"

Basically, Lilith - Mercury contact in a synastry chart suggests true affinity, the kind that best recaptures that feeling of having connection without needing to define a role…

…though, ultimately, since Lilith in the mix (and because we’re grown ups and cast into certain roles with other non-Lilith people), boundary-setting and defining the rules of engagement might become the ultimate tension-breaker.

Do you remember The Royal Tenenbaums, after Richie’s character sabotaged his big tennis match and was hiding on the boat, and dictated that suicide note about being in love with his adopted sister Margo, then shaved off all his hair and cut his wrists to that Elliott Smith song…?

…and then, towards the end of the movie after they’re reunited, Richie confesses his true feelings to Margo, and she was like, “I think we’re going to have to be secretly in love…?” 🤭🥺

That scene encapsulates my final thoughts on a Mercury - Lilith synastry connection. ✨

OKAY, NOW, AFTER LOOKING AT THE PERSONAL PLANETS, CHECK UP ON LILITH’S INTERACTION WITH THE SOCIAL PLANETS, JUPITER AND SATURN… (a.k.a. daddy issues)

Jk, jk. 😉🙃

Jupiter and Saturn are considered the “social” planets, and indicate where public mores and conventional attitudes impact our charts. Jupiter corresponds with our luck, opportunity, and boon cycles, whereas Saturn corresponds with our set backs, hard knocks, and teachable moments. Jupiter could be a mentor, patron, or benefactor, while Saturn might represent a boss, bureaucrat, or member of the morality police.

In a synastry chart, Lilith to either Jupiter or Saturn can be a much needed overturning of the “rules of the world”, or the toppling of structures that have loomed like barriers, rather than supporting us, in our lives. Trines and sextiles suggest admiration, of having a mutual philosophical outlook or core principles. Squares and opposites denote rebellion, a wanting to shoulder-check the other, knock the other down a few pegs. Conjunctions hint at tussles and vying for leverage in the interaction.

Also, abuses of power, self-esteem issues coming to the fore, and totally grody rumblings with naive realism. 🥺😓

Lilith to Jupiter suggests a risk to long-term plans, personal jeopardy, and ethical dilemmas. Jupiter wants leverage, and Lilith either wants it too, or given a shortcut (if not special favors). Lilith - Jupiter contacts draw out our entitlement complexes.

“Both are drawn to each other and reinforce each other’s needs for pleasure and expression of individualism and sexuality. Both understand each other’s deeper expression of untapped untapped rage. Jupiter person may enhance and magnify Lilith person’s inner wounds and dramatic emotions. Lilith person can find purpose and meaning from Jupiter person’s influence.”

—12andUs, “Jupiter and Lilith Aspects in the Synastry Chart: How do You Expand Each Other’s Vision and Ideals?”

Lilith to Saturn suggests a risk to personal status, long-term consequences, and dissolution of the structure of your life (internal or external). Saturn wants control, and Lilith either wants to take or yield it to him, depending on Lilith’s mode (her zodiac sign) and aspect to Saturn. Lilith - Saturn contacts draw out our authority complexes, and unpack our issues around resentment and responsibility. 

“There may be a strong and karmic attraction, bringing these two together at a time when it is most needed. Saturn person is not one to instigate change, however Lilith person’s rebellious nature can help expose inner deceit and abuses of power which Saturn person will then continue to scrutinize and work around.”

— 12andUs, “Saturn and Lilith aspects in the Synastry Chart: How do you help each other create security and structure?”

TRUE ✨, Lilith to the social planets does imply a lovely undermining of Patriarchy (🥰)…

…but at the risk of disgrace and discredit (ugh). 

Whatever “power over” Lilith might gain through her relationship with Jupiter or Saturn, it will come with a shocking confrontation of her own naïveté, and potential long-term injury to her goals and reputation. 😬

Lesson well learned. ✅

Regardless of the actual role of Jupiter or Saturn, Lilith contacts to either in synastry imply some degree of rebellion and scandal, even if low-key.

Depends on the conditions of Jupiter and Saturn in both natal charts, how each chart holder relates with the tasks and tutelage represented by each, and Lilith’s aspects to both / either in the synastry chart. 💫

BONUS, OR SUPER-SECRET LILITH CONNECTIONS: LOOK FOR LILITH IN YOUR MIDPOINTS 🐍🎯 >

What if you’ve inventoried your synastry chart through-and-through, but still can’t find anything that explains your wild fascination with someone? 🐍💕

WELP, that could mean that their Lilith might be nestled in one of your midpoints (or yours in theirs).

Midpoints are now they sound: they are the “middle point” between two planets or objects in your natal chart. Midpoints in synastry are fun for a little special insight into energies that feel stimulated by another person, though there’s no connection between the actual objects in your charts.

Transits, progressions, or other people’s angles / points / planets hitting a midpoint can “activate” both planets. Your Sun-Moon midpoint is consider the holiest of midpoints, but you can also find out your Mars-Venus midpoint, Moon-Venus midpoint, and other steamy-pleasant-romantic planet midpoints.

I have a midpoints tutorial coming up in a couple months, but you can cast a chart for your Black Moon Lilith midpoints using the Astro-Seek online calculator, and selecting for Lilith. ✅ 

NOTE > You might notice a connection to one of your midpoints more than your synastry partner. When there’s one in place, it can make that person feel like the most Lilith motherfucker you’ve ever encountered… or make you feel crazy for a Lilith experience. 😛

🌟 HINT > With midpoints, only exact aspects count (0-1°). You might want to refer to the degree numbers listed under “planet positions” on the page displaying your Midpoints chart, to help figure out which of your partner’s planets might be hitting the midpoints between your Black Moon Lilith and other planets (if any).

To start you off, this article explains more about midpoints in general, and this explain says more about using midpoints in synastry. 💕

OKAY, ALL GREAT STUFF, BUT WHAT ABOUT LILITH + SEX? 😜 >

Lilith is a maj’ astro-factor in sex chemistry, largely because Lilith generates intrigue. Because this placement reveals where we tend to dissociate, contact from someone else’s planet to our Lilith can feel electric-erotic. We become sense-alive to where we were previously numb. We just feel urgency and craving. We want to download Lilith-person into ourselves, draw her in, and fuse her with our DNA.

Like—I want to fuck you so much that I’ll do it in this catshit-smeared corner of your grandma’s basement, even while you’re running a fever and with an open wound on my leg…

And afterwards, disgusted with us both, I might say mean shit expressing my dissatisfaction with who I’ve turned out to be, and totally ignore you at school, work, wherever we run into each other…

Annnd this might be what we do every 4-6 weeks until one of us leaves for college, or otherwise moves out of town. 💫

HOWEVER… some people don’t feel sexy about Lilith at all, she makes them want to punch the butterflies in their gut, or scratch at their skin, or withdraw into a dark room for a weekend. 😬😡😖

Lilith reveals our secret shame.

“Is Lilith an indicator of a person’s sexuality? No, not explicitly. However, it can certainly point us to areas where we’re repressed or feel that are taboo or shameful, and some work through these issues in their sex lives, so like many astrological points, Lilith contains some shades of sexuality. ”

— CafeAstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in the Signs + Houses”

Even if they enjoy the intrigue created by a Lilith synastry connection, some people will just be too turned off by the taboo or looming consequences. 🙈

Depends on how the chart-holder actually feels about their sexuality, and whether there are other comforting synastry connections in place.

When it comes to Lilith synastry + sex chemistry, look for the following connections >

🌟 For hot, you’d want Lilith-Mars contact.

🌟 For easy and splendid, you’d prefer Lilith-Venus. 🐍🔥🌸

🌟 If you want to deep and also compulsive, you’d want Lilith-Moon, and to feel alive, you’d get that from Lilith-Sun. 🐍🌻🌙

🌟 For affinity and the ability to bond over your connection (especially if your synastry partner is more friend than lover material), you might want some easy aspects between Lilith-Mercury. 🐍🧚🏻‍♂️

🌟 For a tryst that might jeopardize your reputation or shake your foundations, or if you crave role-play or to root out some deep-seated authority issues, Lilith-Jupiter or Lilith-Saturn will provide. 🐍🕊🪐

🌟 And or a spiritual catalyst, you’d want Pluto-Lilith and Uranus-Lilith in the mix (this might zap and destroy something in its wake), and for a romantic or softening effect, throw in Lilith-Neptune (though this can entail disillusionment). 🐍💀⚡️🧜🏻‍♀️

Keep in mind that Outer Planet connections might elevate your connection, but without synastry elements that promote appreciation, camaraderie, or affinity, you might feel totally bereft after consummation…

Like—existential pain and crisis. 😬😞

REMEMBER, Lilith contacts in synastry bring a bit of shame and blame, hopefully leading to some kind of breakthrough or breaking point.

We hope the mounting pressure escapes via orgasms, and doesn’t end in a knock-down, drag-out fight…

…or painful feelings of rejection, invalidation, and exile (Lilith’s core themes 😓).

“Again, there will be sexual attraction with a Lilith contact. But there’s no suggestion of harmony, or even getting to first base. 

If your Sun conjuncts a man’s BML, he’ll feel your presence on an animal level (BML is not about love or empathy). [😬]

But there’s no guarantee that he’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth. What is for certain is that there will be a struggle for dominance as your ego triggers his issues with female power. He may respond with anger, defensiveness or a one night stand that never develops further. Or, he may run in the other direction. 

Then again, if there are other contacts between you that provide stability and emotional connection, you could be a powerful force that he embraces. It all depends on how comfortable he is with a woman who will not submit. ”

— Sasstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry”

OBVIOUSLY THO, you don’t need any kind of synastry connection betwixt-and-amongst your Liliths, it just adds a hint of intrigue and gimme dat.

But even with hot or pleasing contact between Liliths, it doesn’t mean anything will actually happen, or if it does, it won’t play out how you want, hope, or expect. 😕😓

FOR EXAMPLE, in this Plutonic Desire post, the astrologer speaks to her personal experience with Lilith-Mars in synastry > 

“In the synastry of my last relationship we have a double whammy of Mars conjunct Lilith. One is happening in my 1st house, the other in my 8th house. You may think ‘WOW, that’s some hot shit going down there’. Wrong. We have a lot of square aspects in our synastry that include Lilith, which causes an obstacle for these raw energies to flow. The sex ain’t hot, passionate or intense.”

Plutonic Desire offers the most comprehensive articles for delineating the sexual compatibility of your Lilith connections. Start here with an examination of the sexual implications of your natal Lilith (Lilith in the signs, houses, and aspects to natal planets), then visit this article for more about the combination of elements that comprise our sexual style. ✨

Here’s a tiny example, based on my natal + synastry Lilith connections with the chart holder I used in an example above ✨ >

From our natal charts…

🌟 LILITH IN THE TENTH HOUSE / PISCES ♓️ > Sex scandals, romantic + sexual escapism, submissive + voyeuristic. Deeply repressed emotions, and must learn to draw a line between reality and fantasy.

🌟 LILITH IN THE NINTH HOUSE / CANCER ♋️ > “Emotionally manipulative man eater” (excuse me?) who must learn about respecting others’ feelings, not lying to get what they want, and not taking their lovers as sexual hostages. 🤷🏻‍♀️✨

From our synastry chart…

🌟 My Lilith (“taboo”) conjunct their Saturn (“authority”) in Cancer (“emotion”)

🌟 His Lilith (“taboo”) conjunct my Mercury (“mental connection”) in Pisces (“spirit”).

If we look at the elements of our Lilith placements: both in Water Signs ♓️♋️, each with “hazard warnings” about submissiveness and emotional codependency, but denoting an amplified psycho-spiritual connection that is felt and mostly intuitive.

If you read my post about finding your Progressed Moon 🌙⏰, you’ll know that I’ve been frequenting CODA, or Codependents Anonymous, unpacking my own hidden tendencies of attaching to intense people as a means of regulating my own intense emotions (all coinciding with my Moon progressing through my Sixth House of Health, Regulation, + Personal Rhythm, read more here✨).

I don’t try to blame emotional codependency on my Lilith (in some circles I do), but my interactions with my synastry partner has definitely been a true life excavation of my shadow tendencies, and a useful way for alighting and unpacking my own longing, urges, and hidden motives (scroll down to the next section for my true life explanation of Lilith in Synastry ✨).

Overall, in most situations, Lilith synastry connections bring the dark side into our sex, or our attraction to someone else is influenced by dark motives.

With other synastry connections, the relationship and interaction could be a safe place to purge and explore the darkness bound up in our Lilith, or become a place of abuse, chaos, or mayhem…. the kinds of relationships we want to quit, but become addicted to.

“If your BML is activated and you find yourself getting caught up in obsessive patterns, know that you cannot compel the other person to love or accept you. His acceptance is not where your true nourishment lies, and the harder you push, the more you’ll manifest the “Lilith as angry outsider” scenario.

Black Moon Lilith’s true power is within you, but the difficulty lies in confronting the very uncomfortable energy that’s been awakened. One of her keys involves accepting what you cannot have, and where you cannot go. The painful paradox is, when she’s activated, she often lusts after the very thing that’s not available to her.”

— Sasstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry”

So, like—with Lilith in synastry, your sex could be lit… 👌🏻🔥

…but everything else might get scary and weird. 😵‍💫😓

Remember, Lilith is definitely not Eve. In synastry, she’s not the answer to our romantic longings, but a kink… Lilith doesn’t pursue sex and pleasure without ulterior motives, which vary according to her moods.

In safer cases, Lilith is our pal who lets us finger her while we’re watching Scrubs on her brother’s big screen, who doesn’t expect us to also ask her to homecoming, or act sad if we don’t sit with her and her friends during lunch.

In other cases, Lilith is the girl who feigns drunkenness so you’ll sleep with her, then throws a tantrum when you reject her offer to move into your apartment and make you breakfast. 

And then fakes a pregnancy, to score a second date. 💁🏻‍♀️

BASICALLY, no matter how sexy, carefree, or fun she seems, when Lilith starts getting shady and manipulative, we go home to the Moon or Venus. 🌙🌸

Through the experience, we learn that fascination, intrigue, and magnetism won’t substitute for actual self-esteem, for accepting the void within that we can only ever grope for (or have groped by someone else).

With maturity, you might eventually recognize the erotic-tinged-anxiety of a Lilith-connection only means there’s an urgent pain to be exposed, and that—like many, but not all erotic endeavors—we must realize it together. 🦋💫

“Harmonious Lilith aspects between partners will show how you can bring magic into each other’s life. Like a good Mars/Venus connection, it will show how Tantric your sexual relations could be. It also shows how magnetically attracted you are to each other – the all important chemistry. Hard aspects to the personal planets may show an irresistible, obsessive attraction, the sort that hypnotizes you into abandoning your more regular Moon/domestic commitments. Hence, her reputation as a “bunny boiler.” On the other hand, she can break the spell of entrenched habitual behavior.

Therefore, synastry connections with Black Moon Lilith show where you feel this magic and how it plays out. Double whammys (for example, your Lilith aspects their Sun and their Lilith aspects your Sun) are great because they give each partner the opportunity to be “The Lilith,” and that makes them the most powerful of all. ”

— Linda Goodman (forum answer)

SO, if you want to secure that Lilith vibe in your life, you’d want a fair Lilith exchange (“double whammies”), as well as pleasant aspects between Sun, Venus, and Moon, plus Mars (for excitement) and Jupiter (for benevolence), with a little Neptune (for romance), and a bit of Saturn as a practical bonding agent. ✅👍🏻

You’d also probably want to peek at the love asteroids in your synastry , because they “sparkle up” the connections and zones in your synastry chart. 💖

NOTE > I have more tips for managing Lilith-driven relationships below, just before the resource section. ✨

TO HELP FURTHER YOUR ANALYSIS OF YOUR SYNASTRY CONNECTIONS > Here’s the link again to my synastry tutorial 💕, to be combined with this article: Planets in Synastry: A Beginner’s Guide to Relationship Astrology. ✨

ALSO, FOR ASTRO-BASED SEX CHEMISTRY SPECIFICALLY > This article about what indicates sexual attraction in a synastry chart (ya girl), and also, an article about your sexual horoscope to be compared to this blog post assessing your sex style according to your Venus / Mars placements. ✅ 

LILITH IN SYNASTRY, AN EXAMPLE: LILITH SQUARE THE LUNAR NODES ✨

In this example, I’m going to illustrate a version of how relationship (even a tenuous one) can help you be made aware of Lilith, and where exactly she stalks you in your relationships (and reflexively, your own chart).

There will also be a comment about how transiting Lilith (in the sky right now) can influence your interactions, and draw out behaviors reflecting those archetypes and qualities.

I'm going to use the same charts from the screenshots above, as well as from my original synastry tutorial (for consistency). 💕✨

NOTE: This section is a hella long delineation / diatribe pertaining to one synastry aspect, and mostly just for my own catharsis regarding the mysterious sequence of events that unfolded in the wake of the Gemini Solar Eclipse in June of last year (2021).

#ICYMI > I was in a cafe when the June ‘21 Gemini Eclipse tripped my Vertex, a.k.a. Destiny Point as a barista was handing me a beverage, whereupon I became obsessed (#Plutonian 💀) and began stalking via transits to his hypothetical natal chart, and basically learned how to do synastry. ✨

Keep reading for insight into Black Moon Lilith square the North / South Nodes in synastry, or scroll down to the next section: Managing Black Moon Lilith / “taboos” in Relationships. 🐍💕✨

BTW > I have a post coming this summer all about tracking Lilith transits (in commemoration of my own Lilith Return, an astro-event that happens every 9 years, subscribe here to find out when it goes live ☺️✨). 

HAAAYYY! 🙌🏻✨

First, what are the Lunar Nodes, how do they operate in a natal chart, as well as in synastry? >

As opposed to a single planet (such as Venus or Mars), the Lunar Nodes are not actual objects. They show where the Sun and Moon crossed paths for the year you were born (and also indicate where eclipses were sparking during your birth year).

They’re also on an axis: your North Node (“current dharma”) is in the sign opposite your South Node (“past karma”). The sign / house of each reveal themes, qualities, and arenas you’re well versed and capable in (south node), or where you feel a bit gun-shy, and need / want to grow (north node).

If you’re looking at just your natal chart, you might notice planets (or objects) squaring your Nodes. Squares from natal planets to our Nodes reveal our “karmic missed steps”, or basically, what we might battle within ourselves in fulfilling our bigger, karmic projects.

“A planet square the south node represents a person, circumstance or issues that crossed, vexed, afflicted or undercut the intentions or needs of the person in the prior lifetime. It is therefore an issue left unresolved from the past, which pressures for resolution again in the present.”

— Steven Forrest, Yesterday’s Sky

When you notice a planet squaring your Nodes, investigate its associated archetypes and energy for insight into what energy or function has tripped you up on the path to destiny. 👐🏻✨

Black Moon Lilith squaring the Nodes shows where your sense of autonomy might steer you into the weeds vs. carrying you closer to your soul’s preferred destination. Lilith indicates where your raw instincts might have undermined your own process.

“Lilith-Nodes aspects indicate that developing a healthy relationship with the natural wild within has been an issue in many lives. These people need to shed cultural labels that get affixed to those who live Lilith stories and tap into the truth about humans: we are extensions of the natural world, we all carry the energy of the uncontrollable wild within us, and all need to make peace with who we really are.”

— Tom Jacobs, “Natal Lilith Aspects”

BASICALLY, if Lilith squares ANY planet on your chart (natal or synastry), that planet’s energy becomes compromised, or hijacked, by a power struggle. Planet-person might have handily accessed this planet before Lilith-person came on the scene, but once the relationship gelled, that planet’s energy became elusive. 

🌟 IN A NATAL CHART > If Lilith squares one of our planets, we don’t necessarily notice an inner conflict. We struggle to access the energy (or information) symbolized by that planet, but blame the struggle on events, circumstances, and other people. We deflect the issues resulting from this struggle. We might gather examples of others abusing or “behaving badly” with that type of energy (the energy of the planet or point being squared), and use that as an excuse to ignore or deny our own capacity.

🌟 IN A SYNASTRY CHART > If Lilith from one chart squares a planet or point in another chart, you can expect tension, a power struggle, and eventually, confrontation. Lilith-person will not be wholly tuned into how they hijack, sabotage, or straight-up battle with the other person. Depends on the other person’s Lilith sign, and the house their Lilith lands in for the planet-person.

In a synastry chart, another person’s Lilith squaring your Nodes suggests that they divert and distract from your karmic project… 🐍🌟

When someone else’s planet squares your Nodes (any planet), that person embodies your “karmic missed steps.” That other person ends up representing the energy of that missing element that must be learned and integrated into your psyche for you to fully lean towards your North Node (a.k.a. your current dharma).

With Lilith in particular, it would be behaviors that Lilith-person might not be aware of (or even agree with) that knock you off your path. They might be shadow qualities you are eager to play into, fully aware that they distract you from your “meta purpose.”

Unless mature, Lilith-person might not be aware where she casts a shadow. On her end, she’s trying to get validated, and that validation comes through getting her way. When she squares a planet in her partner’s chart, that planet becomes the locus of control (symbolically). 

Basically, Lilith - person unwittingly gets in the way of our karmic project….

…and if we ourselves are unaware, or willing to play into the distraction (…because the taboo is just so much more compelling), we get dharma-crampy. 😵‍💫

THERE’S ALSO THE POTENTIAL… that Lilith-person’s validation-seeking process inspires or helps us appreciate and better use the energy of the point or planet she squares. Once the initial power-struggle is noticed and addressed, planet-person + Lilith-person can move forward in their lives, more mindful and able to articulate what’s happening in their relationship.

IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE… that even though another person’s Lilith might be doing something to our chart, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person embodies the Lilith archetype, or is performing taboo-ish stunts.

Much of the time, our Liliths are doing something to other people’s charts, and it is not even barely nerve-wracking or alluring…

…though it’s always a tiny bit antagonistic. 👻

WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT, is understanding the role of Lilith in each natal chart separately.

That’s the only way to gain leverage over her sneaky machinations in your relationships.

Also, so that you can get wise to how you might resist or rebel against the helpful mirroring of a relationship.

UNTIL DELINEATING OUR SYNASTRY CHART, and the “Lilith transit moment” that I describe in detail below, I hadn’t actually realized that my Black Moon Lilith squares the Lunar Nodes in my birth chart… 😳😬

…or that that my synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith also squares his Nodes.

What I had noticed: the barista’s Saturn conjuncts (is side-by-side) my Lilith, and that my Mercury conjuncts his Lilith.

But look closer. 🔎

In HIS chart, natal Lilith is at 2° Pisces (underneath my Mercury)…

My Mercury conjunct my synastry partner’s Lilith 🐍✨

And in MINE, natal Lilith is at 13° Cancer (spread-eagled underneath his Saturn… jk, jk). 😳🤭

My synastry partner’s Saturn conjunct my Lilith 🐍✨

And finally… when I clicked the tab on the display page that grids all the chart aspects our for you… I realized that his Lilith squares his Lunar Nodes. 🤯🤭

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith squaring his Lunar Nodes (natal) 🐍✨

WHICH MEANS…. my Lilith also squares mine! 😱

When you look at the aspect tables of our synastry, at the columns showing aspects to our Nodes, the barista and I exchange two “exact squares” (“exact” aspects have thicker lines around their boxes). 

My Mercury @ 4° Pisces squares the barista’s Nodes, while his Saturn @ 13° Cancer squares mine. ♋️♓️

And both those planets overlap our sneaky Liliths.

And, and… I literally never noticed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(BECAUSE BLACK MOON LILITH IS OUR BLIND SPOT! 🤭😖)

So, we both have Black Moon Lilith squaring our Lunar Nodes.

We both have Lilith issues that make us dharma-crampy. Lilith, that shadowy blind spot, has stalked and gotten underfoot of our separate karmic projects.

These issues have NOTHING to do with each other, or anyone else really. These are issues resulting from our own historic tendencies to run berserker from the priorities, responsibilities, and relationships that happen to be aligned with our personal destinies, as astro-cryptic and deep-recessed in our muddy psyches as they are. 👁🧠

SO BASICALLY…

1. Black Moon Lilith squares the Lunar Nodes in our separate, individual birth charts.

2. His Black Moon Lilith (“taboo”) exact conjuncts (is side-by-side) my Mercury (“voice”, “point of view”, the inner integrator)

3. My Black Moon Lilith (“taboo”) exact conjuncts his Saturn (“structure”, “foundations”, the inner patriarch)
   

OKAY, so what is the “felt” experience of this kind of synastry connection…? How would it play out? >

ACCORDING TO WISER ASTROLOGERS, for me, his Saturn would grip in place my moody-murky Lilith ♋️, his manifest “authority” would supposedly help “crystallize my magic into solid form”…

“Harmonious: The Saturn partner feels poetic, loosens up and inspired to break the rules when the Lilith partner waves their magic wand. The Lilith partner crystallizes their magic into solid form, thanks to Saturn’s discipline.

Stressful: The Saturn partner could put the Lilith partner’s sexuality on a leash, constricting them too tightly and thereby trapping their creativity. The Lilith partner may enjoy teasing and tempting the Saturn partner out of their responsibilities – and seducing them away from their work.”

— Linda Goodman forum answer ✨

(…hello, welcome to my astrology blog. 💁🏻‍♀️)

FOR HIM, my Mercury would outline his vague-and-ghosty Lilith ♓️, my “voice” and “perspective” bringing clarity, helping him connect the dots and realize his self-undermining, the foil and delusions of his karmic purpose (you’re welcome, asshole 🖕🏻).

Essentially, my Mercury would lure HIM towards awareness of his own Lilith’s deviations, while also unraveling the primary beliefs that have guided and justified his wanker tendencies, the very ones derailing his creative purpose (or something, mebbe). 👐🏻✨

“Harmonious: The Mercury partner can inspire magic words and poetry from the Lilith partner. The Lilith partner can read the Mercury partner’s mind. Together, they can amplify each other’s psychic abilities and turn each other on with words.

Stressful: The Mercury person could use logic to demean the Lilith person’s intuitive reasoning. The Lilith partner could penetrate and brainwash the Mercury person’s mind.”

— Linda Goodman forum answer ✨

TAKEN ALTOGETHER, based on our synastry, you would think that we both would be able to press forward in our separate karmic-dharmic projects, based on how our personal Liliths could be brought into our awareness via each other’s Saturn and Mercury contact (theoretically anyway).

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, we cannot know for sure the experience of my Mercury on his Lilith…

…and for that, we can blame transiting Lilith, a.k.a. Lilith in the sky right now. 😤🐍💫

In about three months (August 2022), I’ll have a tutorial about tracking and inventorying Lilith transits, including how to delineate a Lilith Return Chart (squee 😆), but for now, I have to explain the event coinciding with transiting Lilith.

In this particular event, when Black Moon Lilith transited upon a certain point in his chart (on the day before his birthday, aww 😢), the barista exiled me from the cafe. 🐍❌

This particularly Lilith transit struck a point on the barista’s chart that has been struck before, by a different transiting object…

…both occasions coinciding with the barista having a fucked up outburst.

1. Both occurred at times where we were alone. Not alone alone (there were 3 witnesses to the second weird outburst, one of whom being the grounds keeper at my kid’s school), but alone, as in, no buffer.

2. Both “alone” moments were flukes, or the only two occasions where we were “alone” enough where I was adrenalized, thinking, “PERFECT, now look for an opening to confirm his birth data and if he saw a flash on Eclipse day…!” 🤩

What makes this asshole thing astrological, is that it was a follow-up to a previous asshole event that occurred when transiting Nessus (a.k.a. the abuse asteroid 😵‍💫) was transiting his Sun, while simultaneously, the transiting Sun was coming side-by-side with natal Nessus (referred to as a “double whammy”). 

And when the barista did the next asshole thing, transiting Lilith (in the sky right now) had come conjunct his natal Nessus.

I’ve gone ahead and outlined all of the details right here, so that we might deleanate the true-life events alongside the astrological events taking place on the charts... ✨

…which is legit the only way you’re going to learn how to decrypt actual astrology charts, and no longer have to rely on Tumblr witches to describe and predict how astrology can impact your life (ok?).

On the day of the barista’s first outburst, transiting Nessus (the “abuse asteroid” 😳) was exact conjunct his natal Sun, while the transiting Sun was exact conjunct his natal Nessus (the abuse asteroid in his own chart) @ 26° Gemini in his First House of Identity, Persona, + Personal Appearance ✨ >

Here is the chart concerning showing when transiting Sun-Nessus double-whammy ✅ >

HINT: Astro.com lets you cast charts where you can input any asteroid you want (vs. Astro-Seek, which does not)

You can read more about my incredulousness at making this observation about the Abuse Asteroid coincidence in this post about reading a synastry chart ✨, but in a nutshell: Nessus, the abuse asteroid, shows where we have been abused, and thus, how we tend to display abusive behavior.

As this astrologer notes, “[O]ne theme of Nessus may be ‘blaming God for the evil you do’ -- or situations in which somebody does something to you and gives God the responsibility.”

When other transiting planets conjunct natal Nessus, you might have a disturbing moment, especially if your Nessus close-aspects one of your other planets, particularly your Moon (where we store our memories).

HINT > To find out where Nessus lands on your chart, hit up Astro.com, select “Natal and Transit” under Chart Type, then select “Nessus” from the drop down menu labelled Additional Objects, or by typing 7066 into the box labelled Manual Entry.

You’ll have to pay attention and track your transits (and document your life) when planets are transiting through your Nessus sign to notice events and patterns that might be related to deep-down issues (hint: this post shows you how to track your transits ☺️✨). 

So basically, he acted like an asshole, and it happened to coincide with a Sun-Nessus double-whammy transit… which is very interesting to know, but still left me feeling said and confused about the interaction. 😠😓💫

Anyway…
 

And on his latest fucked-up outburst (Tuesday, March 1st, 2022 @ approximately 3:48 - 3:53 PM), transiting Black Moon Lilith was exact conjunct his natal Nessus 🤭 >

Here is the chart ✅ >

Also notice at the top, where transiting Nessus is conjunct transiting Jupiter, and BOTH are conjunct his Sun….? 🤭

HERE’S THE SCENE > Barista was standing approximately 5 - 7 feet away from where I was seated, laptop perched on my lap, facing him while he was standing behind the counter with the espresso machines and sinks and… like, all the usual coffee house shit. Barista’s hips and shoulders were turned towards me, though he was standing perpendicular from the cafe entrance, cash register, and the all-important Chores List and related tasks, his face looking down at his cell phone (…it must be said). 

He had just been regaling me about all of his recent aches and pains (…which might be culminating into a maj’ health crisis, based on the transits to his Sixth House of Health, Routine, + Rhythm that I’ve been stalking, and also because the Scorpio Eclipse later this year is scheduled to trip HIS VERTEX*✨, well well well… 😳😱). 

(*UPDATE > I was wrong 😅, the Oct 25, ‘22 Scorpio Eclipse is due to strike this turd's natal Uranus, not his Vertex, tho they’re only 5° away from each other. Go here for descriptions of what might happen when an eclipse strikes a specific planet, such as Uranus ⚡️, and go here to read more about what might happen if an eclipse strikes your Vertex a.k.a. Destiny Point. ✨)

To date, those 3 - 5 minutes he spent telling me about his health issues are probably the longest amount of time he’s ever spoken to me directly… 

…and I took this as a great sign that I was going to finally get catharsis about my June 10, 2021 Eclipse Moment (squeee I deserve this 🥰).

AND DUDE, I literally had the perfect question to ask that would open the conversation up to astrology (squuuueeeeee).

So, I looked up and in my cheeriest voice, asked my Q. 😃😊

He didn’t look up. ❌

I repeated the Q. 😃

Waited. 🙂

Suddenly, still not acknowledging me, he dropped his cell phone on the counter, zipped into the back room… (“Hey… hello…? HELLO??”… one of the other patrons glances over at me)… then zipped back out, plucked up his phone, did a little pirouette to resume the same position: face down at the phone, but hips and shoulders turned in my direction (where I am tucked into a corner table that’s facing the wall at that weird, perpendicular angle… so, like, it’s a weird angle for him to be facing, unless he was expecting to resume the conversation… 🤨).

I asked my question a third time, loud enough that the three other customers on the other side of the seating area have all looked up. 

…but that fucker is still not acknowledging my fucking question, and his body language is totally confusing me, and I am now distraught 😫

SO, I stamped my feet on the linoleum, and said, “HAY! You’re ignoring me!”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to ask you something, but you’re legit not hearing me…”

(“…because you’re on your fuckin’ phone” = how I wanted to finish that sentence…)

“WELL, that’s because I have, like, 60% deafness in one ear… from surfing… and… you know what, if you don’t like it, YOU DON’T HAVE TO HANG OUT HERE*…” 

(…and then literally two seconds after that…)

“…but what were you trying to ask me?” 😄😁😇

I mumbled “Nvm, I forget”, logged into astro.com (which lets you cast charts for transiting asteroids), packed my laptop and scooted.

MY QUESTION!!! > “What are you doing for your birthday?” 

…which was the next day…

…and coinciding with a New Moon that was exact conjunct his stupid fucking Sun. 😩😞

UGH.

YOU IDIOT. ❌

WHAT I HAD SEEN ON HIS TRANSIT CHART ON ASTRO.COM > At that moment, transiting Black Moon Lilith was exact conjunct his natal Nessus. 

About a week later (on Monday, March 9th, between approximately 10:30 - 11AM), while one of his barista-coworkers happened to be chilling at my house with my lesbian friend and her pig, I strapped my toddler into the jogger, and strolled around the corner to the cafe.

Whereupon, this psychopath announced: “I can’t serve you anymore.” 

POUR QUOIS?? > “Because you can’t bring that in here.”

“My baby??”

“NO, no, you harassed me about my disability… and I hate people who are like that!”

I was more confused than I have ever felt about anything. 

Crypto currency and karmic astrology make more sense than this.

Aliens make more sense.

SO, he basically told a lady with a baby stroller to leave the cafe (in front of everyone)…

….because she had harassed him…

…about his… surfing-related… disability. 👐🏻

😑 😑 😑

BTW, WHAT I FOUND OUT LATER > Another coinciding astro transit was in play: for the past few months, Saturn has been conjunct (and retrograding over 😬) the barista’s Mercury in Aquarius, which is also his chart ruler, a.k.a. the planet overruling his entire natal chart… 

…and according to this astrologer, when Saturn (which brings the heavy 🪨) transits Mercury (which governs perception and communication 🧚🏻), our sense awareness diminishes > “Physically, this can be a time of nervous ailments that affect your speech or hearing. Communication may be difficult either because of delays or misunderstandings. You may feel isolated from others due to an inability to put your thoughts into words.” 🤯🤭

So, that’s what happened IRL, but what happens when Black Moon Lilith (“taboo”) transits upon natal Nessus (“the abuse asteroid”)? >

Lilith in a natal chart reveals our personal taboo, or the particular shady behaviors we deploy that cause us shame, guilt, and resentment.

When she transits one of our planets, we might find ourselves expressing the drive, instinct, or energy represented by that planet in a subversive way, via the shadow qualities of the sign they’re in.

With Black Moon Lilith conjunct Nessus, this abuse hot spot in the natal chart gets stroked, by a teasing, phantom energy that’s difficult to name or recognize, and become the shadow qualities of Gemini (lies, gossip, verbal cruelty).

(FOR MORE HINTS > Visit this article about a 2022 conjunction between transiting Sun, Nessus, and Black Moon Lilith, rhapsodizing about how mythical Lilith took responsibility by removing herself from the abusive power paradigm in paradise between God and Adam, with god = the Sun, and Adam = Nessus, it’s hella good, dawg! 😍).

So, I guess, when Black Moon Lilith transited him, depending on how the barista interprets his own Nessus in Gemini / Nessus in the First House, he might have felt on a subconscious level that his preservation was at stake…

…even tho he’s a big kid, and as I will not stop emphasizing, I am of much smaller stature and totally non-threatening in every single way. 😇🥺

Like—that fucking shithead totally could’ve called me out for a lot more accurate things: hustling customers (for copywriting gigs, or their birth data), for gossip-mongering on my astrology blog (welcome ☺️), for distracting his staff, or even for just lingering around with my shy, weird, 300 ton-heavy vibes (when he’d rather be Googling about his symptoms)… 📱

…and if he had just called it how it was, I probably would’ve saluted him and scooted onto my next delusion / distraction… 💃🏻

…without him ripping open a new wormhole of toxic karma. 😖😒

And yes, I did have a 34-minute conversation with Luis at the Better Business Bureau of Santa Barbara CA, but chickened out from filing a report (and forcing conflict resolution from the business owner 🐍🔥), only because…

Well, I guess I don’t really want to go back anyway, especially when “gossip reports” around town says the other baristas are talkin’ shit (you fuckin’ losers, COME COLLECT YOUR DOG’S TOYS AND GET YOUR GROSS BEER OUT OF MY FRIDGE)…

…and I mostly just rather leave him to die and end up in whatever landfill he’s destined for anyway. ✅

BTW, NONE OF THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH LILITH IN SYNASTRY… ✨✨✨

…but I hope it’s a valuable illustration of what you can uncover about your own bizarre interactions with psychopaths working in your neighborhood who want to publicly humiliate local toddler moms… with lies. ❌  

And regardless of the fruitless distraction created by this terrible person, his birth chart became the perfect macguffin for helping me learning upper-division astrology… 🌟

IN MY OWN FINAL ANALYSIS 🧐 > I needed the barista’s chart to help realize my own “shadow tendencies”, and how I’ve let myself get knocked off my project. 😓

I never noticed Black Moon Lilith squaring the Lunar Nodes in my natal chart…

…not until deep-inventorying his Saturn in our synastry 🔎

ALSO, remember that my Mercury conjuncts his Black Moon Lilith, both squaring his Lunar Nodes, and while researching about my Mercury (to intuit how this placement might impact or detract from his own karmic/dharmic project), I found this ✨ >

“The Neptunian girl [with Mercury in Pisces 🧚🏻♓️] is a kind and sympathetic Samaritan woman who is completely incapable of doing boring routine work. To be happy, she needs to create and see the recognition of the results, but to sit down and start systematically writing books, poems or music is almost as difficult as putting together accounting reports. The driving force, including the intelligence of the romantic and feminine beauty, is the state of falling in love, inspiring daring, brilliant results that will shock her.”

BASICALLY, the barista’s Lilith lured me into writing a quasi-astrological manifesto regarding his birth chart and eclipses…

…which wouldn’t have been conceivable if I hadn’t believed my soul was being taken hostage by eclipse fairies, guardian angels, or whichever aliens are controlling the meta-narrative of our personal destinies…

…and which I was also convinced was only intelligible via astrology charts. 🧚🏻👽🌟

I only craved all this intel because of a weird eclipse thing that I guess didn’t happen to anyone but me, but ended up becoming the inspiration for a long-haul and possibly useless research project.

“The state of falling in love, inspiring daring, brilliant results that will shock her.” 🤭🤩

Some tips if you’re in a similar (bizarre) situation, and have noticed that black moon lilith squares your lunar nodes > 

First, confirm whether YOUR or THEIR Nodes are being squared. If their Lilith squares your Nodes, then ask yourself:

• Is there something about the relationship that feels underfoot, or distracting you from moving towards a goal or transformation? Do you blame this person for feelings of disappointment, distraction? Do you feel anger, guilt, embarrassment, or anxiety?

• What past event or relationship might Lilith reference? Which goals or projects were you undermined from pursuing? What were you trying to prove? To who?

• What kind of validation is Lilith-person looking for? Is that even something you can give them? (Their Lilith placement will better articulate this than they can. 👍🏻)

• Where does your Lilith make you feel vulnerable? What vulnerabilities do you feel are coming from the Lilith-person? Do you feel yourself playing with or against those vulnerabilities? …do you feel as though your vulnerabilities are being preyed upon, or as though a part of yourself is being smothered, or overshadowed?

• Basically, do you feel like you have the upper hand? …or do you yield the leverage?

In general, when it comes to a difficult aspect from a planet to the Lunar Nodes (in SYNASTRY or your natal chart chart), ask yourself >

• What do I need to start now… what have I put off?

• Where do I need to take initiative?

• What do I need to adjust, release, and refocus?

Scroll back up for the information about making Lilith known and understood in your relationship for hints and inspo about how you might approach the issue, in a way that helps validate the Lilith person, and also easing the tension created by her in your own chart. ✌🏻✨

“…the key point is that squares (as distinct from oppositions) to the south node correlate with vexatious situations in which our own blindness or error play a large role. Blindness and error are part of life and we all succumb to them. 

And always remember one of our cardinal insights into spiritual evolution: you were even dumber in the past! These past-life lapses should not be greeted with guilt or shame, only with the recognition that we are all wounded, that we all run the risk of repeating old patterns, and that there are better choices available.”

— Steven Forrest, Yesterday’s Sky

ULTIMATELY, this was a useful research project, in that it brought to light and clarified an unknown entity or character that’s been operating in my own narrative…

…and that she’s known, I’m able to appreciate her.

BECAUSE, Black Moon Lilith is the protagonist of our personal sacred quest through a profane world bent on demoralizing and denigrating our basic instincts.

Black Moon Lilith speaks to what about our personality might be transformed by breeching a taboo, facing our regrets, and aligning more wisely with the energy of our conviction.

Through her, become our own guardians. ✊🏻

When Lilith aspects our Lunar Nodes, we’re lucky enough that this guardianship becomes part-in-parcel to the realization of our ultimate soul goals.

And through others (in synastry 💕), we can become aware of the lure and drama and maybe even meta meanings of our faults.

And I think I can gauge that this all-consuming research binge on the intricacies of Black Moon Lilith in synastry has certainly helped clarify and fortify my own bizarre talents, as well as discern and value the difference between MY Lilith issues versus YOURS (and this turd’s who's working at the cafe).

Anyway, this is an example of focusing on one “planet”, Black Moon Lilith, in a synastry chart…

🌟AS MENTIONED, there will be a future post all about tracking your Black Moon Lilith transits, but if you’re curious about where Lilith is currently stalking you (and your relationship), check out this article about transits to natal Lilith. ✨

🌟 For a bigger scope of relationship astrology (and for delineating other links in the rest of your synastry), you’ll want to revisit my synastry tutorial, and I also recommend Stephen Arroyo’s Person to Person Astrology. ✨

🌟 Also also, go here to learn more about the Lunar Nodes in your natal chart and here for an intro to the Lunar Nodes in synastry. ✨

🌟 And if you’re thirsty for more on the abuse asteroid (weirdo), check out this astrologer’s notes on Nessus > “Nessus is a planet that addresses the healing of abuse patterns. The abuse can be psychological, physical or sexual in nature; it can be 'potentially inappropriate' contact or behavior; and it can involve revenge. Nessus has themes that feel like 'the return of karma' and what goes around comes around. Actions have consequences, but you can almost always discover the source. Nessus is a very good diagnostic tool in handling situations with these themes. It shows us where and how we've been hurt in the past, and how we're likely to hurt others -- and how we can heal those hurts.” ✨

🌟 Finally, IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT ECLIPSES (🤩😛🥰), I have a post in the works all about locating and delineating the Fate Axes in a natal chart, so that you might also start tracking “karmic moments” that might distract you from your divorce proceedings, and also help you discover new, hella niche skills appreciated on the Internet, subscribe to find out when it goes live. 👍🏻✨

IF STILL WILLING TO VENTURE WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD (A.K.A. HOW TO MANAGE LILITH-DRIVEN ATTRACTIONS IN SYNASTRY) 🐍🦋✨ >

SO… what if you want to keep your Lilith-person around, and preserve the special-good feels of your skank-driven cuddle sessions…? 💞

You already know from my post about natal Lilith that it doesn’t work to repress, deny, or pretend-away your taboos.

Similarly, you don’t want to let Lilith go unnamed in your relationships. 😬

With Lilith in synastry between natal charts, the attraction or relationship hooks onto a potential taboo, one that might be transformed by meeting our fear and shame through this other person. 

Sometimes Lilith taboos force a confrontation with what you forgot you missed, had stolen from you, or pretended to have already had happen (but never quite sealed the deal). 

…but you forgot that you forgot until the taboo gets triggered by these skanky vibes in your midst.

Maybe you don’t refer to your relationship regrets or disappoint as “Lilith”,  but if you and your friends, lovers, and alibis have some kind of lingo in place to describe her behavior (and patterns), you might be able to dilute the taboo in the glow of shared awareness.

“As we’ve seen, the true Black Moon for an individual represents a cache of emotional history that requires much patience, acceptance, self-love and forgiveness to deepen into and navigate successfully. When Lilith is active in relationships the positive or negative quality of her influence depends on how each party responds to and reacts to her. In other words, their individual relationships with the energy will determine how they react to Lilith in each other. For this reason it is imperative for each individual in a relationship to take responsibility for his or her own emotional and relationship histories and take steps to heal whatever in them needs healing.

Lilith’s themes coming up in relationship can be a signal that one or each person needs to revisit his or her own Lilith energy to clean up any outstanding debris from relationship histories that might be getting in the way. When this happens, flight may seem the easiest thing to do. Yet Lilith can exist in healthy relationship with others. It is important to her – she and Adam are halves of a whole, after all – and she can be in healthy relationship if she makes space within it to be true to herself.”

…

“If you find yourself in one or more ways rather like Lilith but find yourself in relationships where she is not really welcome, this is a signal of one or more things: you are not expressing Lilith, not taking responsibility for yourself, not honoring yourself first, or not recognizing that your outer reality needs to reflect your inner reality. Take any such relationship patterns as a cue to focus on your own willingness and ability to express what your true Black Moon has to say about who you truly are on the inside.”

— Tom Jacobs, “Lilith in Relationship”

Basically, with Lilith-based attractions, you need protocols in place. Even after she is named, we will have to own our Lilith, as well as stay sensitive to the existence of our beloved’s Lilith.

Here are some tips, compiled mostly from research >

🌟 FIRST: Get accurate. This article shows you what to look for and how to interpret the “relationship potential” in a natal chart. Apply to both charts separately (yours and theirs). Compare the needs and expectations you think you have to the relationship potential described in your natal chart. Compare the relationship story in your natal chart to your actual relationship experience, not the narrative you’re clinging to (no one has to know but you).

🌟 SECOND: Claim your motives. Lilith’s hallmarks are resentment, jealousy, and vindictiveness, or basically, the emotional outcroppings for unstated expectations. Reality check your hopes. Name the stakes involved. Say what the relationship means to you. If that kind of conversation doesn’t feel appropriate, then it might not have long-term potential. That’s fine, just focus on your own experience, and be wary of what feels like a fib or manipulation (from them towards you).

🌟 THIRD: Experiment. Detach from a specific outcome. Hold off on rule-mongering. No ultimatums. Leave a margin for error, anticipate impropriety, and a probably a few confrontations. When the confrontations arise, note what actually felt lost or gained. How do each of you feel about the impact?

🌟 FOURTH: Invent secret club rules… eventually. Strike balance wherever you can’t agree. If boundary-lines are being honored, allow for pointing out each other’s fault-lines. Install an accountability process. Reclaim your wants and needs. Invite deeper self-disclosure.

🌟 FIFTH: Actually unpack the baggage getting tripped by Lilith. This is your opportunity to clear out your emotional history, in real time. Shame, blame, and fears will come up. You’ll have to redefine (or learn to define) your boundaries, and redress your defense strategies while they’re being deployed.

Again, if all that feels beyond your relationship… it’s not a relationship. 

It’s a kink, a fascination that refers to unclaimed hurts and longing. 

“A relationship of any kind is a balance of power. In intimate relationships, the shift of the balance can one of the most exciting parts; however, it becomes destructive when the shift comes at the expense of one partner. Looking at the sign and house of Black Moon Lilith in your natal chart (as well as any major aspects to other planets or angles) shows you a continuum of behaviors that can either empower you to feel like an equal in a relationship or to make emotional mincemeat out of your partner or yourself.”

— Sasstrology, “Palpable Power: Lilith’s Role in Relationship Dynamics”

Does this person seem more aware than you, like they know something you don’t (and aren’t saying anything)? Does the other person blow smoke, or throw shade?

AND ALSO, what do you think you’re hiding? Where are you blowing smoke, or throwing shade? …are you thinking thoughts or performing behaviors that you’ve done in past relationships…?

ALL OF THAT… is in your blind spot.

That’s where Lilith’s gettin’ high and giving out hand jobs. 😳😬

As long as you expect to explore the relationship from darkened corners, and anticipate some disappointment and triggering, you’ll get something special from your Lilith relationship.

You’ll have to be open to seeing Lilith play out in her trademark raw, erratic way. Lilith-driven attractions and intimacies can be ambiguous. Even if you sense the potential, it might not be able to lead anywhere, or expand beyond a very narrow kind of interaction. You might want to address the issues, but the other person might not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“People with strong Lilith energies can thrive in relationships if they admit their true, wild-inspired natures, love themselves for it, and choose partners who in their own lives can do the same. Those who have developed conscious awareness of their Lilith sides seek partners who either have strong ties to the energy in themselves or are open enough to accept the energy in others. If you find yourself in one or more ways rather like Lilith but find yourself in relationships where she is not really welcome, this is a signal of one or more things: you are not expressing Lilith, not taking responsibility for yourself, not honoring yourself first, or not recognizing that your outer reality needs to reflect your inner reality. Take any such relationship patterns as a cue to focus on your own willingness and ability to express what your true Black Moon has to say about who you truly are on the inside.”

—Tom Jacobs, “Lilith in Relationship”

BEAR IN MIND, you don’t have to identify with or have a prominent Lilith for her to come into play. Neither does the other person. With some people, our Lilith qualities are more pronounced.

At least with astrology, you can inventory the Lilith story in both of your charts, and meta-cogitate on whether you’re actually at a level of soul-maturity to breach the taboo, then decide whether the relationship would nurture you, or just throw more salt in the wound.

And you might have to be willing to discuss with the other ALL THE EXPECTATIONS you actually do have (though might pretend as if you don’t). Your own Lilith (and aspects she forms to other planets in your chart) can outline the secret territory where you will retreat to formulate revenge plots.

You might have to mutually abandon your past behavior, as well as cultural tropes about how you OUGHT to behave, or what kind of relationship it should be, as well as expectations and about where it will go, and how it will validate you (to yourself, your friends, your parents, etc.).

Obviously, all the archetypes, themes, dynamics, and the arenas parsed out and described in your synastry chart can jumpstart your subconscious, and help you better pinpoint when issues start cropping up, and where they might lead back (yay, thx, astrology!).

There remains a risk that you might come to a sad conclusion about the interaction…

…though also gain new awareness into a piece of your psyche you hadn’t even realized was in play.

Sometimes, you will play the Lilith. 

And sometimes… you just have to let people disappoint you.

Sometimes hurt and disappointment are the only way to face down our trauma and drama, get integrated, and move forward.

“In myths the hero is the one who conquers the dragon, not the one who is devoured by it. And yet both have to deal with the same dragon.

Also, he is no hero who never met the dragon, or who, if once he saw it, declared afterwards that he saw nothing. Equally, only one who has risked the fight with the dragon and is not overcome by it wins the hoard, the ‘treasure hard to attain’. He alone has a genuine claim to self-confidence, for he has faced the dark ground of his self and thereby has gained himself. This experience gives some faith and trust, the pistis in the ability of the self to sustain him, for everything that menaced him from inside he has made his own. He has acquired the right to believe that he will be able to overcome all future threats by the same means.

He has arrived at an inner certainty which makes him capable of self-reliance.”

— Carl Jung, “Psychology of Religion and Synchronicity”

REMEMBER, from an astrological perspective, you’d want to see contacts between more than just your Liliths. As long as there are pleasing, harmonious aspects between the Moon, Venus, Mars, and even Mercury (for building affinity and ease of communication), your Lilith-driven attraction has potential. 

Otherwise, if you feel an attraction, but there’s no other factors for compatibility, it might be safer to chalk the attraction up to a kink, an itch in a weird place, a tooth cavity you can’t not tongue, a tickle that makes your nerves vibrate…

…which means the connection is pure sensation, and that’s totally fine, until the dragon pops up.

MORE RESOURCES FOR EXPLORING + HEALING LILITH ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 🐍💞 > 

• LILITH ASPECTS IN SYNASTRY > Lilith to Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars, and compare to this article on the same: Black Moon Lilith aspects in synastry.

• LILITH IN ASPECT TO THE SUN AND MOON, PERSONAL PLANETS, and OUTER PLANETS, plus a delineation of Lilith in the SYNASTRY chart of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton! 😍🐍

• WHAT ABOUT LILITH ON LILITH? 😋👯‍♀️> Lilith conjunct, trine, square, or opposite someone else’s Lilith in a synastry chart.

• USEFUL LILITH READING LIST 📖🐍 > Ester Perel’s Mating In Capitvity: In Search of Erotic Intelligence, and also recommended in my post about natal Black Moon LilithCarolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Unleash Your Power 🐍👻

• READY TO ALSO TRACK LILITH TRANSITS? > Tom Jacobs descriptions of transits to natal Lilith (also more links to Lilith in the Signs, Houses, and Aspects ✨)

• FYI: PRIAPUS IS THE "MASCULINE" COUNTERPART TO ASTROLOGICAL LILITH 🍆🐍 > "Priapus (h22) and Black Moon Lilith (h21) are usually seen as inextricably linked in astrology, usually because both tend to orbit on opposite ends of an axis together (though not always). Priapus is considered the perigee (closest to the Earth) and Lilith the apogee (furthest from the Earth).” Read more about a personal account of Priapus in a natal chart in this forum discussion, as well as Mystic Medusa’s write up about Priapus, “an over-sexed gardening god”, and how to find him in your own chart! 🤩

• Does your synastry show an aspect between Lilith and Chiron, the wound healer? This astrologer answers a question regarding Lilith and Chiron in a natal chart, and how it manifests in interpersonal relationships > “So, we’re looking at an aspect between the indicator of the most primal wound, as well as your most unique skill (Chiron) and Lilith, a youthful and assertive impulse that gives a confident, rebellious voice to anima energies, and who takes full charge of and responsibility for her sexual expression–and when thwarted can be more than a little vengeful.”

• FASCINATING, and a bit on-topic: a conversation on an astrology forum about Lilith in synastry, and lots of comments about Nessus (the abuse asteroid I mentioned above) in the mix.

SO BASICALLY, Black Moon Lilith in synastry indicates the potential for profound sexual bonding, and also, sympathy for where and how we need validation.

And depending on where you’re at in your own astrological cycles, and in your exploration of the archetypes you’ve charted to explore for this incarnation, you are supposed to and guaranteed to make mistakes.

I’m mentioning this, because even if you’re a “Lilith person”, or have played the Lilith, it’s important for you to know: you are lovable. 

You are here, you are part of our human family… 🤗

…and also entitled to heal and resolve mistakes you did not realize you were making.

BTW, THANK YOU FOR READING! This was a big essay!

And if you have Lilith / synastry questions, feel free to email, and I’ll help you as best I can. ✌🏻

And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to come here. 😁

ALSO, subscribe to find out when more rad, gossip-laden astrology tutorials go live! >

HAAAYYY! 🙌🏻✨